Waiting to be wronged … or determined to be free?

When you unconsciously repress hurt as your primary repression, you are not aware that you are already hurt. You may or may not be conscious of the fact that you don’t trust anyone, including your facilitator or trainer, as unconsciously you are already waiting to be thrown under the bus, long before even meeting them.

Then you’d feel hurt, so your anger is likely already ready to jump out and protect that hurt like a knight in shining armor, ready for battle.

Or, like in my case, repressing anger as part of my primary repression as well, you’d leave and start fighting that battle elsewhere, disguising my emotion repression as advocacy for others who have been wronged. Unprocessed hurt and anger shaped my identity of “being wronged” (or similar flavour: outcast, ostracized, rejected), colouring my perception of the world, cruelty reigning and injustice everywhere. As I could not feel or express my own anger and hurt, I became an activist and volunteered for Avaaz and Amnesty International for years. It sounded noble, fighting for those who couldn’t defend themselves, rotting in jail somewhere, but I was also just shadowing out my own hurt.

Looking at the world through a lens created and driven by unprocessed anger and hurt, I am actually just waiting for the betrayal, I am waiting to be wronged, rejected. I know it for certain.

However, I was just hurt. Raised by a father who could be very vindictive at times and couldn’t tolerate the sight of us, just like his mother couldn’t tolerate the sight of him and rejected him at birth. I learned to navigate a volatile environment where doing something wrong, or saying one wrong word could lead to escalation and devastation. Hurt repression taught me to be afraid of doing or saying something wrong, and I have to make others wrong or ensure they don’t do or say anything wrong, so I stay safe and away from that buried hurt.

Not acknowledging that hurt, I have USED other people most of my life to feel bad about myself … in many ways. Making others wrong has kept me in a place of being wronged. This pattern provided me with a feeling of “better than”, superiority and safety.

For years, I remained oblivious to the depth of this programming, first shielded by carefully constructed defenses, followed by a well-crafted trauma shelter, my very own fortress of solitude. Last Spring, the prospect of facing my past during a trip to Canada, interrupting the ‘peace’ of my solitude, became the catalyst of unraveling deeper layers of buried hurt and rage. I shared with Dan that though my ex and I were on amicable terms, I was afraid of the chaos and all the dynamics between us and the kids. Dan invited me to check my body through a tool we call a reverse inquiry within KI: “I don’t want chaos”. To my surprise my body responded with a somatic activation. I knew instantly what that meant:

I want chaos!  Checking with another tool the unconscious benefit, I learned that “I get to be strong, so I get to be in charge, so no one is gonna hurt me, so we won’t get destroyed … so I don’t feel all this buried hurt.”

It was very confrontational to realize that unconsciously my programming wanted chaos, I was creating it (e.g by being critical or overextending myself) and thus that I was creating my own deficiency story of being wronged. This time I was armed with a process I trusted and a powerful set of tools which led to processing lots of buried anger and hurt underneath, leading to a profound shift in dynamics and also the decision to divorce, a choice I had long avoided out of fear of facing my own hurt.

Before accusing someone of wronging or rejecting you, I invite you to do somatic inquiry using the Kiloby Inquiries and check into your body as you may be surprised to uncover deep-seated programming driven by repression that has been shaping your perception all along.

Learn how to use every bit of suffering as the gateway to freedom. I offer 1:1 mentorship and will have a small group mentorship, starting Thursday March 21st at 10am EST/4pm CET. Max 4 people, a few spots are already taken. Sign up here or book a clarity call if you are interested.

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"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

What is a Clarity Call?

What is a Clarity Call?

A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives in Eugene, Oregon, US.  She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Working with compulsions – especially regarding food – is a special interest for Sumitra. 

She also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Kiloby Inquiries all dimension certified trainer & facilitator ✅.  

 

I am a non bypassing non-dual teacher with 13 years of direct experience. Waking up and abiding in our true nature was not enough. Some unconscious repressed fear was debilitating my expression for years. Stepping into the power of my voice fully was only possible with KI. In 2020 signing up to KI training with Scott and Dan changed the trajectory and the quality of my life and work. I released loads of repressed shame and anger from my system and now am able to let live manifest and express effortlessly. And I know you can live and be the fullest free expression of YOU!

 

I am so passionate about this method of deprograming & embodiment that I am here to inspire others to experience it for themselves. These tools and my perseverance in experimenting with them brought effortlessness, ease in the unknown, financial abundance, freedom of expression, burst of creativity and such a fulfilling work environment, where everyone is honoring integrity, authenticity and inner deepening. I’ve learned so much from all my fellow trainees and clients, it’s been such a privilege to hold space and witness their growth and transformation. I’ve been training in KI with Scott and on my own since 2021 and now so excited to train all dimensions training for full immersion in this work. 

 

I have experience working with: parents and children, childhood trauma, repression of voice/power/expression, non-dual bypassing, spiritual seeking, emotional repression, addiction, chronic pain, abuse, sexual abuse, sexual repression, depression, PTSD, birth trauma mother and baby, grief and loss, couples counseling, lack and scarcity mindset. 

 

I can help you move beyond suffering and fear into the world more fully with your gifts, authenticity and uniqueness recognizing your unbroken, true nature. 

 
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.