The Noblest Pursuit

In the pathless path to spiritual liberation, it is easy to become like a lifeless zombie, dead on the inside, devoid of joy, inspiration and enthusiasm. In the pursuit to eradicate any remnant of self, one can easily miss the mark and hold onto some idea that to awaken is to kill one’s capacity for thought, feeling, sensation, creativity, relationship and engagement with life on the relative level. It’s so easy to confuse notions of the absolute with the relative, moving through life like a T-Rex striking violently at the ego with teeth that seek to devour any sign of it. And in this pursuit, humanness is discarded, ridiculed or even hated. The world is considered nothing but a material cesspool of manifestation. Trophies are (metaphorically speaking) handed out to those who claim to have transcended thought, emotion and sensation completely. There are actually studies and research projects out now that place those who claim to have transcended these things at the top of the spiritual ladder.  It’s as if leaving humanness behind is somehow a noble pursuit for a human. The irony… Wouldn’t physical death be easier and more efficient?

What about the possibility of something else? What if the investigation of self, other and world doesn’t have to lead to zombie-ism at all? What if nothing is discarded whatsover? What if everything is transformed in the investigation? What if the whole world is essentially left untouched – seen to be an illusion but celebrated fully anyway and in every way? Every feeling is met, included and loved but not identified with. Every thought is seen and acknowledged but without any clinging. Everything is allowed as it is without any desire to eradicate any of it. What about the possibility that there really isn’t an ego to eradicate in the first place? There are patterns of thoughts that feel stuck to emotions or sensations. And as the investigation goes deeper, this stuckness is unvelcroed. That’s all. If there really is no ego – if there is only this patterning happening – then the pursuit to eradicate ego is dead in the water from the get-go. A fool’s game.

What if this investigation does not take you out of life or out of the world but places you more firmly within it, able to move through it with a fearless and fierce enjoyment and enthusiam?

What if you investigate the notion of separation between self and other, but the result is not some transcended state that denies both?

What if the result is that both are embraced as two inseparable sides of the same coin. What if…the relative is embraced simply because that is all that it is – an appearance of relative things, each thing having its place and identity only in relation to other things. Each thing being empty but so perfectly placed and so important within this intricate web. The relative is embraced simply because that is all that there is. There is only this play. Nothing existing by itself, on its own side. Everything existing only in relationship. And in that seeing, there is a complete diving into this web of relationship rather than a revolt against it.  An embrace of the bliss, the pain, the puke, the piss, the love, the hate, the joy and the anger.

What if the divisions between the ocean and the waves, between awareness and appearances and between the absolute and the relative do not delineate ultimate divisions at all but are merely part of the intricate web of relativity? More mind stuff. Don’t believe what I’m saying. I’m only asking “what if.” I’m inviting you to look and see. This invitation scares only those who cling to the notion that there is something beyond the web of relationship, something ultimately real and transcendent, some island out beyond everything else where one can sit in a meditative trance comfortably untouched by life with its messy humanness.

Something beyond the beyond the beyond. But this begs the question: Where are we going? What are we trying to achieve? What are we running from? Does this island look appealing only because we seek to escape the rough waters of our everyday human existence? If liberation hinges on escape, is it liberation at all?

What if you love so deeply that your heart breaks wide open each time? What if you do not seek to leave behind the circumstances that led to the breaking or attempt to procure insurance against any future heart breaks? What if, instead, your broken heart leaves you even more raw and vulnerable, even more open to hurt and pain that may come? What if fear is not something to get rid of, but becomes the door through which you open to life even more? What if anger is not something to hide or avoid? What if feeling it is really the only way to discover the riches of the fear underneath it? What if liberation isn’t liberation from, but rather liberation right in the midst of all of this humanness?  What if, in this investigation, you let your enthusiasm for how you show up right now have its way with you.

What if the ocean won’t shelter you? The waves are allowed to wash right through you? Awareness doesn’t protect you from appearances? You find that you only wanted the protection of awareness because you were clinging and identifying with the appearances? If that clinging stops, why would you even care about awareness?

What if your own death is merely one of those appearances and once you face the fear within its perceived threat, you finally begin to live fearlessly and finally begin to enjoy your life fully? You give up your future spiritual and worldly pursuits and find that everything you were ever looking for is already right here, right now. You are smack dab in the middle of spirit and spirit is the world itself. What if liberation is not some spiritual state or transcendent realm. It is in that toaster you are putting bread into. It is in the breath in your chest. It is in the movement of your feet walking. It is the smile or frown of a loved one. It is in the joy of having a face. It is in the pleasure of watching your favorite TV show. It is in the loving feeling in your chest as you allow yourself to be intimate with a stranger. It is in the crisis you find yourself in at the moment. It is in the pain itself.

What if you left behind the pursuit to eradicate ego in favor of just being you however you show up, without regret, without self-judgment, without doubt or a sense of lack of deficiency? What would there be to eradicate? Wouldn’t your pursuit for liberation fall flat on its face? What would you be pursuing if your only goal was to be here right in this moment? If this sounds like a tall order, just simplify. Make it easier on yourself. Whenever you resist, love the resistance. Whatever you avoid, move towards it. Whatever you don’t want to feel, feel it until it makes you feel like you will explode. Whenever you have a scary thought, look right at it, don’t turn away even for a moment. Don’t stand as the witness. Let it devour the witness and devour itself. Keep it that simple and everything I’m saying here will make perfect, undeniable sense. Make your only pursuit a pursuit to see, feel, hear and allow everything that you are experiencing right now.

This will not take you out of life. There will be nothing to move beyond or transcend. This will not eradicate a non-existent ego. This will not lead you to the Tao. You don’t want those three letters. You want to live this human life, right? This will merely make you more perfectly human in every way. Isn’t that what a human life is really about?

"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

What is a Clarity Call?

What is a Clarity Call?

A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.