The Cult of Human Programming- And How to Break Free of It

My friend and fellow facilitator Dan McLintock came up with the term “cult of human programming” to describe the process of first being thrust out of a mother’s womb, forced into the energetic experience of being a separate person, and forced to learn how to survive physically, emotionally and psychologically.

AND THEN, ON TOP OF THAT . . . as if that weren’t already enough to traumatize a being . . .

We are then programmed in a myriad of ways during early to late childhood development, by parents and others.

We become like members of a cult we call “human life.”

The parents can’t really be blamed because they were programmed by their parents and society (it’s mostly unconscious). This programming becomes our operating system. Strangely, we don’t see it. The programming starts at such an early age that we do not yet have the capacity to question it. So instead, we learn it and pretty much treat it as gospel. Maybe years later we may question it during an introspective moment, while dropping acid or having some spiritual experience. But if not, we stay blind – completely blind usually – to just how enslaved we are to belief systems that were thrust upon us by others. We didn’t even have a choice in many cases.

Programming Leads to Suffering

The programming is NOT who or what we are. It’s what our brains learned as a way to survive living with unconscious parents in an unconscious world. This is why our world is so fucked up right now.

We haven’t yet collectively acknowledged that we are programmed humans who suffer and who are programming other humans to suffer because all programming leads to suffering.

And if that isn’t crazy enough, people who are programmed in one way constantly fight with people programmed in other ways: Christians v. Muslims, Republicans v. Democrats, gay v. straight, etc. We are spinning our collective wheels as a race.

We are Programming Deficiency Stories

When I say programming here, I don’t mean functional programming like how to operate a computer or become educated in useful fields of discipline.

No, I’m speaking of programming that pertains to the self – its wants, desires, its constant search for meaning or approval and its loneliness, trauma and shame. I’m speaking of the deficiency stories we believe like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m unlovable,” “I’m a victim,” “I’m powerless,” etc.

Every time we tell another person that we are disappointed in them in any way, or that they have not lived up to our standards, we must understand that this mere act alone can shape that child negatively forever, sending the child well into adulthood still chasing approval like a junkie chasing a heroin needle.

Every single word and action we do with regard to our children shapes them in some way.

This doesn’t mean we coddle or lie to children. It means we start telling them the truth – emotionally and psychologically.

For example, until 7th grade, I couldn’t sleep alone in my own bed. I was too scared. My mother would tell me that there is nothing to be afraid of. She lied to me. There was something to be afraid of – the feeling of fear itself scared me. I was also told boys don’t cry. That was a lie. Boys do cry and it’s ok for boys to cry. This is all part of the cult of human programming.

We are raised to conduct ourselves a certain way, to avoid being too honest, open, or vulnerable – to avoid being human and feeling what humans feel.

Instead of going within and inquiring and dissolving this negative programming contained within many people, we are literally giving birth every day to more children on Earth who are unconsciously uploading their parents’ belief systems, identities, and traumas. We are planting the seeds of future conflict here on the planet.

A Captive Audience

As a child is raised, many of the traumas, stories, and beliefs of the parents get imprinted on the child I’m not just referring to the dad who violates his daughter’s privacy and trust by sexually molesting her. Yes, of course, that is programming that leads to intense suffering. But I’m talking about a much wider array of ways we teach children to suffer and therefore join the cult of human programming.

Once we are born, we are a captive audience to our parents. They are in charge. We take on or react to their anxieties, shame and anger. We build our deficient identities as weapons and shields against the pain they haven’t yet resolved within themselves.

Instead – not knowing how to deal with that pain – they place (and in some cases force) it on us – the children. At the mercy of our parents, we know of no other way. They shape us, whether we like it or not. And it happens generation after generation after generation.

Many of us are forced to submit to our parents’ authority. It may feel like an easier path than fighting, since parents hold all the power. We take on the submissive role, trying to become who we think our parents want us to be instead of who we really are. We subvert our real thoughts, feelings, desires and needs. We experience deficiency stories when we don’t live up to our parents’ often unrealistic expectations for us. For example, a teenage girl could be the best basketball player on the team but could still beat herself up every night in her head as she hears her dad’s voice saying “You can do better than that!”.

Submission and Repression

When faced with an angry parent, the child learns to either rebel or submit, get in line or run. In submitting, the child disempowers himself. In rebelling, he only pushes up against the authority, which rarely leads to any progress. So children learn, more than not, to submit. And submission is repression. A child must repress his real thoughts, emotions and sensations in order to submit to the authority of his parents. Repression can lead to illness. I repressed anger for years and it was a very unhealthy experience for me. Plus repression can make life difficult for a child once he becomes an adult. The repression can become a way of turning pain in towards himself, leading to self-harming, extreme forms of self-control, acting out addictively, depression – to name a few.

Anger is not a problem. The problem is anger expressed in a way that is not coming from clarity, but rather only from pure pain and fear.

Shame is another emotion commonly repressed, and – like anger – the repression of shame can make us sick. I’ve worked with many men with sex addictions who experience shame as an aphrodisiac. So when we start dissolving shame through inquiry sessions, they begin to lose interest in the forms of sex that were driven by shame. This is why deprogramming from our societal views of sex are so important. The shame we place upon one another actually acts as a driver back to sexually acting out, because shame is a powerful emotion that longs to be self-medicated and that drives fantasies.

Peer Pressure From Dead People

It’s not just emotional stuff we upload from society, parents and friends. And sometimes our attempts at this other kind of programming are super damaging. Kids are often forced into gender and sexuality orientation roles without being asked if the role feels “right.” We get force fed all the political and religious debris of our parents and society at large. All the fighting between people who falsely believe they are democrats or republicans instead of humans (and we adopt that way of thinking as part of our own human programming – we continue the cycle and become our parents quite often).

From an early age, at least in most parts of the U.S., we are programmed to believe that boys act like this and girls act like that. We are taught that anger is bad, so don’t show it. Sadness is weak, so keep it to yourself. We are taught there is nothing to be afraid of, or ashamed of even though we feel those emotions. We are being lied to and misled from an early age. The lie is that emotions are bad. That’s a lie. Emotions are just emotions.

We are misled into thinking that the programming downloaded into us is actually the truth. It isn’t. It is some hand me down version of the truth. It’s a bunch of fear-based lies that the majority of humans have not questioned yet.

Not only is your mind not your friend., it is feeding you completely false information on a continuous basis. Don’t believe me. See for yourself through inquiry.

From Feeding the Cycle to Breaking it

Because we are unconsciously uploading our traumas into our children, we are cultivating more “addicts” because parents are not yet conscious enough to teach these children how to deal with the pain that we are placing on them. This teaches people/kids to find ways to medicate that pain.

If we don’t get clear of our own programming, it means we are teaching our children to live in pain, medicate that pain, and to act from that pain just as we do. We teach them to put their pain on others rather than processing it on their own. From pain comes action that is harmful, violent, addictive, destructive, sometimes even homicidal or terroristic. Therefore we are teaching our children to simply repeat the past and all its mistakes.

Unless we start to understand the delicate landscape of the brain and nervous system and how it acts like a sponge soaking up pain, the future of life on Earth starts to look pretty bleak. More trauma. More pain. More addiction. More unconsciousness. All of this can easily lead to a boiling point where our entire system breaks down. When people don’t function well, societies stop functioning well. One could argue that we are already on the brink of world catastrophe right now, as old structures die and new ones take over. Maybe the new ideas can save the day.

The new idea here (designed to break down old structures) is the invitation to everyone to heal pain instead of placing it on others.

If you want to break free of the cult of human programming, email us at kilobycenter@gmail.com.

"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

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What is a Clarity Call?

A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.