How to Drop Identification with the Body

When I used to read the spiritual traditions that put forth the instruction to reach “no thought” or “no mind” it seemed like an impossible task. But I was just naive enough to try. And when I tried, I realized that a lot of thoughts came through. At first, these were mainly time-bound story thoughts of past and future, the kind that everyone experiences as “me.” But just sticking with noticing them coming and going, without clinging or rejecting any of them, brought the realization of “no mind.” Let’s call noticing thoughts in this way instruction #1. That realization is not the experience of having no thoughts. Those experiences of having absolutely no thoughts happened and continue to happen. The realization of “no mind” is the ongoing, moment by moment seeing that thoughts arise and fall but none of them are “me.” They have no substantial nature. They don’t last. 

They come and go to nothing. They do not come and go in or to a mind.  “Mind” is just another thought, hence the term “no mind.” In realizing this, all the fruits that the traditions promised revealed themselves in one way or another. There was light, love, bliss and all sorts of experiences of nothingness, Oneness and no self. But these too were just experiences. Like thoughts, experiences come and go. This became very clear.

All of that was the easy part. Despite these experiences and realizations, the body had a different way into “this.” It held all the pain that had never been processed. It stored the contractions that came with being an embodied human. It held blockages and all sorts of odd sensations, such that energy could not flow smoothly. It carried all the urges of my addictions and the perceived threats of my anxieties. In terms of the body, I began to notice the difference between emotions and the denser sensations that seemed physical, almost structural. The latter includes the blockages and contractions that made the body feel somewhat dense, even when the mind was empty of identification with story thoughts.

With regard to emotions, the key was just to feel them.

And that meant feeling into them, without thoughts, and letting them just float freely without trying to avoid, fix or fight them. That too was fairly simple and straightforward. Let’s call that way of being with emotions instruction #2 because it is different than instruction #1. One isn’t noticing thoughts, but instead feeling INTO emotion, without thoughts, as if they belong to no one (because they do belong to no one). Whatever message an emotion sends, that insight can be gained and acted upon without clinging to emotion. I say that to answer all the folks who might ask, “But isn’t emotion there to tell me something or help me act.” Yes, perhaps. But there can still be a non-clinging to an emotion even when action is taken or a response happens.

When I say that instruction #2 was simple and straightforward, I do not mean that it was easy. It was simply intuitive. With each emotional wave, the tendency was to avoid, fix or feel at first. But in resting with and in each emotion, they too were seen to be “not me.” They too didn’t last. Feeling into them felt intuitively right since I had spent most of my life trying to avoid, fix or fight emotions. The clinging to emotions ended with the employment of instruction #2, just as the clinging to story thoughts ended with instruction #1. This is not to say that now and then story thoughts and emotions do not arise. They do. But in the non-clinging, they are seen to be insubstantial. Not only do they not define me. But they are not me. What I am cannot be defined or grasped in any way. To even say that it is awareness or the Tao or emptiness is to go too far. Those thoughts come and go and there is no clinging to them. And if clinging arises, instruction #1 is the right medicine. There is no nihilism in this way of being, for nihilism is just another set of story thoughts that have not been examined with instruction #1.

But the body with its denser sensations was another story altogether, quite literally. I did not see at first that the body was a series of images in the mind. It was quite literally a story being told by the appearance of images. But again, I did not see this at first. Everything felt physical, from the blockages to the contractions to the bones and muscles. And as long as these blockages were there, addictive behavior continued in one form or another. As long as there is separation sensed in the body, there will be a grasping outside oneself to medicate these blockages and contractions. But upon further investigating, I noticed that I know these things in the body and I know the body itself mainly by way of these images coming and going. Feeling into images makes no sense. How would one do that? They are pictures. So I went back to square one. If the body is experienced mainly as images, then these images are thoughts. And the rule with thoughts is to let them be seen, let them come and go and let them depart naturally just by seeing them in this way. Non-clinging. That made all the difference. I knew then that all the myriad ways people try to heal the body can be one big act of futility, for to heal the body by treating it as something more than images is a recipe for frustration. This is not to say that medicine, massage, acupuncture and various Eastern and Western approaches to healing the body were useless. No, they definitely helped. But if there is identification with the body, a 1000 massages or acupuncture sessions will only go so far. And the best medicine, East or West, will only heal or deal with a specific element of one’s experience. With identification comes a lifetime of suffering that cannot be dealt with until identification is no longer happening.

Once I began to see the body as images in the mind, I simply began to notice those images coming and going.

And blockages began to undo themselves naturally. Energy that was previously stuck began to move, up and out. It became to flow more smoothly. The body was seen to be a story and when the story was no longer identified with, the body was no longer identified with. This is not to say that images of the body do not arise. Again, they arise, but instruction #1 is all that is needed. Sometimes those blockages released emotion, in which case I would feel into those emotions, without thoughts (instruction #2). The body began to feel transparent, empty and also “not me.”  This was a major breakthrough in my pathless path.

There are some who claim that they see no pictures when it comes to experiencing the body. Maybe so. Trust your experience. But do investigate how you know that what you are experiencing is a body. Do you see the shape of the body or a body part within the mind’s eye (within awareness)? Do you sense or feel any shapes? Do blockages seem to have containers, edges or boundaries? If so you are experiencing the body by way of images. I invite you to do as I did, witness them for what they are. See them come and go. If you do not see images, investigate words that stream through awareness telling you that you are your body or that your body is this or that. Those are thoughts. And instruction #1 will work just fine.

"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

What is a Clarity Call?

What is a Clarity Call?

A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.