How to Be Awake but Not Dead

If it seems difficult to be awake, it is even more challenging not to be dead while you are awake.

Being awake is all about recognizing that you are not your thoughts, emotions and sensations.  Like birds passing through the open sky of the present moment, these things come and go but they are not you.

And yet, quite often, this is experienced merely as a head awakening, where the body hasn’t come into alignment yet.  It’s common for people to have this kind of head awakening, ride on the pink cloud of the peace or bliss of this newfound freedom for a while and then to find out that the body takes a while.  You can see it in their eyes if you go to satsang.  They are clearly in the here and now, but the body contains dense contraction, anxiety, depression, addiction or trauma.  Some have even lost touch with their humanness.  Simple human things that used to bring them joy are gone.  The little human quirks that made them unique are null and void.  The aliveness is drowned out because the body is constricted in various ways.  There is a deadness.  This is common, but it is not necessary, if one remains open to exploration well after an initial head awakening.

So here is how to be awake but not dead . . .

If you feel numb or sluggish, most likely it is a story that hasn’t been investigated.  And tethered to that story is an emotion that has not yet been felt consciously and directly.  Feel it.  If you have spent many years avoiding that feeling, perhaps the emotion has now become frozen somewhere in the body as a contraction.  There is dissociation, a turning away from that sensation and towards anything that might numb it out of your awareness.

Explore that contraction with utter love and curiosity.  Sit with it in the infinite patience of the present moment, without trying to get it to go away.  Welcome it.  Make it stay just by feeling it.  Notice the space around it as you do that.  Welcoming it in this way reverses all that resistance to it, all that trying to make yourself feel better, which really doesn’t work because it involves the personal will.  What we resist, persists.  In the head awakening, you noticed that you are not that movement of personal will.  You are not those thoughts that are trying to get somewhere.  Let that seeing come into the body.

Presence is seeing that you are not that sensation.  But the danger lies in saying, “I am not my body” or “I am not this sensation” far too soon.  If the sensation is there and it is running your life in any way, by virtue of a corresponding deficiency story, depression, addiction, anxiety or trauma, then YOU ARE YOUR BODY.  On some level, there is identification with that sensation.  Bypassing is pretending that you see that something is not you, when in fact the identification is still there.  These unexplored sensations steal your joy and peace.  They make you feel dead.  They hush your creative voice.  They create a disconnection from others.  They make you reach for the wine, cookies or the internet as a way to escape.  They make you overcompensate, by developing or following elaborate conceptual frameworks about spirituality, making life far more complicated than it has to be.  A good way to avoid really experiencing spirit is to think about it a lot and ignore that your body is still experiencing identification with form.

When these contractions are explored, and not bypassed, you feel alive, vibrant, awake.

  • You are awake but fully human.

  • You are free but not tied to the idea that you are free.

  • Simple things in life bring you joy once again.

  • You don’t mind the quirks of your personality and you aren’t trying to get rid of them or act enlightened.

  • You feel compassion for no reason at all for others who are suffering.

  • You feel a connection to others while also seeing that there are no others.

  • You love yourself while also seeing that there is no self.

  • You don’t mind these paradoxes at all.

  • You have a voice that soars because there is nothing blocking its expression.

  • You have a heart that is open and that doesn’t mind being broken.

  • You feel everything, are more sensitive, yet you are increasingly free of suffering around those thoughts and emotions.

  • Your body feels light and transparent and you can truly say with a straight face, “I am not my body” without bypassing.

  • Your addictions fall away naturally.

  • Depression seems like a faint memory.

  • Anxiety is no longer there or lies at a bare minimum because you have faced or are facing every fear.

  • Trauma is absent because you loved yourself enough to explore every bit of it and release yourself from its magnetic pull.

  • You don’t mind thinking anymore.  When thoughts are no longer stuck to emotions or sensations, thinking is play.

And yes, yes, maybe eventually, you come to discover a sweet silence in which many thoughts, emotions and sensations do not arise anymore.  Maybe you realize a profound peace, joy or bliss that is there most of the time.  But if that happens, it will happen right on time and not a moment too soon.  It will happen naturally.  Trying to make that happen just through a head awakening, before the body has come into alignment with that awakening, will just frustrate you.  It probably won’t happen actually.  It will be like false silence, love, joy or peace, where you are pretending that your body does not have needs or that it doesn’t need to be explored.  That is the deadness.

"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

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A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.