Good things are happening, because of inquiry into the programs that prevent them from happening

What’s the point?

A question that had me give up in life (my mind thought ‘life’, but my fingers blindly typed ‘love’ there, which is an absolutely correct Freudian slip) more times than I can remember or count.

Two days ago, inquiring into this common sabotaging pattern changed my life.

Some of you know that I moved from France to the Netherlands about 6 weeks ago with my kiddos.

It’s been quite an ordeal to find a home. Not eligible to rent a place, as I have to show Dutch salary slips, and a whole bunch of other requirements – none of which I could comply with. No exceptions, long queues of people for every home that gets listed so no need to even consider exceptions. I felt frustrated and disappointed with a system that is not there to support us. I have been inquiring so much into the command “I have to tolerate it”, I have to be hurt to survive, I have to be angry, I can’t be angry. What’s the point? I have to believe there is no point in order to survive. Such juicy stuff for inquiry.

Dealing with lawyers and the park management as we have been staying illegally in a nearby holiday park. Paying the rent but exceeding the maximum legal duration of stay of 3 weeks created all kinds of problems like inability to apply for health care, seeking exemptions with the town, inability to set up my business here etc. One of the lawyers in the mayor’s office has been truly helpful, very grateful to Hans.

Then we moved on to looking for a home to buy, that market isn’t much better. Long list of people for every home, lots of overbidding. Even though the park manager showed compassion, I also got a warning last week that I have to find a solution very soon as we can’t stay in the park beyond April 30th. So last week I bid on a home that we liked, but didn’t love. I liked the vibes of a few rooms, liked the fact it was close to school, but many other things I didn’t jive with. Then, on Saturday, we won that bid, and I felt lots of mixed feelings. Feeling grateful that we finally got a place and that the seller agreed to a handover on 30 April instead of August as was stated in the documentation. At the same time I resented the fact that I felt forced into buying something that didn’t feel really right for us and the fact that we had to overbid with 25% even to get considered. It wasn’t an embodied “YESSSSS!!!!” Anyway, I kept inquiring about the feeling of being forced to do something, the powerlessness of it all and underlying anger and hurt. Meanwhile telling myself the narrative that this isn’t bad at all, focusing on the good things, zooming in on signs (from the universe, of course) confirming it was a good decision and minimizing the downsides. We were due to sign the temporary purchase contract last night. Ah, such a sneaky bypass, right in my face.

Fast forward to yesterday morning, right after a session with a client, I saw an incoming message from a realtor about a house visit in a nearby village coming up in ½ hour. I thought, ‘Darn, I forgot to cancel it,’ and looked at the link with the pics. I really loved what I saw, remembering why I registered for a house visit just before deciding to bid for the other place. This house was listed at a little higher price than the one I had just won the bid for, and looked so much nicer, so my logic argued that it would likely sell for a lot more money … followed by ‘what’s the point?’ … except that I am familiar with this story. I inquired for 10 min and then asked the kids to jump in the car and look at the house anyway, despite my evidence that there was no point.

The moment we stepped into the house at 11am, we felt at home. Loved it. Every bit of it. Well, almost. Robin doesn’t like that the current owners love pink a lot. Nothing that a lick of paint can’t fix. Except the pink bathroom tiles LOL. Love the big living kitchen, the light flooding in, all the spaces. The fact it has a nice backyard, it’s next to a park, that is next to a forest. It’s perfect.

My heart sank into my shoes for a moment realizing how much I loved it. Can I really have what I want? I knew I couldn’t afford 25% overbidding on this one. I told the realtor I wanted to do a round on my own. I went upstairs and I inquired. I can have what I want. I am hurt.

I did a quick calculation and came up with a number; overbidding 9% was the max that I could do. I took a risk and shared with the realtor a bid with my conditions, stating exactly what I want (e.g moving in really soon – most people are ‘chained’ and ask for August/September), asking for confirmation before 6pm (as we had to sign the other purchase agreement 6:30pm). This was 11:30. The sellers and realtor called me back 12:30. They said YES! My conditions and what I wanted was precisely what they needed.

We agreed to sign the purchase agreement at 3pm. I inquired about some backlash, feeling guilt about hurting the first seller and then cancelled them. We met the sellers at 3pm, lovely people. We connected. We all cried about all the synchronicity … We signed the purchase agreement. I felt so deeply touched when leaving the realtor’s office in the afternoon when I had the thought, ‘good things are happening to us’. Timing felt divinely aligned. Feeling so much joy.

Then I listened to a VM from this morning about sabotaging good things, completely unrelated to yesterday’s events, and I realized that ‘good things are happening because I inquire into the sabotage that would have otherwise prevented them from happening.’

The point of ‘what’s the point?’ is to inquire.

Good things happened, but independent of that, this wouldn’t have even been on my radar had I believed ‘what’s the point?’. That sabotage was so subtle. It made sense. It was logic. Everyone agreed! I was gaslighting myself as my YES wasn’t embodied and I kept telling myself bamboozled with stories that made it right.

Inquiring allowed me yesterday to trust my intuition and take a peek anyway.

Processing anger and hurt led me to make a bold move, submit a bid stating exactly what I wanted right away, independent of the outcome.

Good things are happening, because of inquiry into the programs that prevent them from happening.

Want to hone the skills that clear out sabotage and make way for great things in your life? Consider mentorship with me!

My next group starts Thursday, March 21st at 4 pm CET (keep in mind that for the first few weeks US has changed to daylight savings, but not yet Europe). If you are interested in taking the last spot, please click here to learn more mentorship.

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"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

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A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

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Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives in Eugene, Oregon, US.  She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Working with compulsions – especially regarding food – is a special interest for Sumitra. 

She also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Kiloby Inquiries all dimension certified trainer & facilitator ✅.  

 

I am a non bypassing non-dual teacher with 13 years of direct experience. Waking up and abiding in our true nature was not enough. Some unconscious repressed fear was debilitating my expression for years. Stepping into the power of my voice fully was only possible with KI. In 2020 signing up to KI training with Scott and Dan changed the trajectory and the quality of my life and work. I released loads of repressed shame and anger from my system and now am able to let live manifest and express effortlessly. And I know you can live and be the fullest free expression of YOU!

 

I am so passionate about this method of deprograming & embodiment that I am here to inspire others to experience it for themselves. These tools and my perseverance in experimenting with them brought effortlessness, ease in the unknown, financial abundance, freedom of expression, burst of creativity and such a fulfilling work environment, where everyone is honoring integrity, authenticity and inner deepening. I’ve learned so much from all my fellow trainees and clients, it’s been such a privilege to hold space and witness their growth and transformation. I’ve been training in KI with Scott and on my own since 2021 and now so excited to train all dimensions training for full immersion in this work. 

 

I have experience working with: parents and children, childhood trauma, repression of voice/power/expression, non-dual bypassing, spiritual seeking, emotional repression, addiction, chronic pain, abuse, sexual abuse, sexual repression, depression, PTSD, birth trauma mother and baby, grief and loss, couples counseling, lack and scarcity mindset. 

 

I can help you move beyond suffering and fear into the world more fully with your gifts, authenticity and uniqueness recognizing your unbroken, true nature. 

 
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.