Fear

What Is Fear?

Fear is arguably the emotion that holds together the ego, or sense of being a separate self.  Until it is seen and released, it runs the show.  It’s like the glue that holds together the story of future.

Fearful, thought-based scenarios dominate our experience only as long as we refuse to look into the body and rest as the awareness that sees thoughts and emotions come and go.  The simple act of observation is the healing.

Most of us live our lives less than fully aware of what is happening with regard to fear in the body.  We are well acquainted with the mind and its incessant storytelling about the future (e.g., “I’m going to die,” “I’m going to be ill,” “I’m going to embarrass myself,” “I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life”).  The mind tries to figure out everything, making everything ok, by rearranging various thoughts about the future.  But this doesn’t provide any real relief.  At most, we talk ourselves into stories about how everything will be ok (yet we don’t know this).  This is usually where hope comes in.  Hope is the flipside of fear.  As long as fear is running one’s life, hope is necessary. It’s like a drug that we inject in some attempt to escape the awful fear that is really driving these scenarios about the future.

So the mind does what it does, flipping between fear and hope.

But the real key is seeing what is happening in the body.  Once you start being aware of what is happening in the body, you have a real shot of moving beyond ego and its fear/hope dance and into a more effective, content, easeful way of being.

Here Is What To Do (a very spiritually incorrect title, I know)

Fear is more than just a bunch of thoughts you are having about the future.  It is an entire body and mind experience involving thoughts, emotions, and sensations.  Thoughts about the future, when there is no identification, and therefore no fearful charge behind the thoughts…are harmless.  They cause no suffering or seeking.

Emotions are the fuel for the stories about the future that run through our heads.  The emotional and personal charge behind thought is the real culprit in suffering and seeking.  The key is to become aware of the emotional and sensory energy in the body when you are experiencing fear. And these thoughts, emotions, and sensations are happening within your capacity to be aware.  So this is all about recognizing awareness as the space in which thoughts, emotions, and sensations come and go.

Now, forget what I’ve said above.  Let’s start with something very simple and practical.  The next time you find yourself caught in a fearful scenario about the future, stop just for one moment and notice that you are thinking. That’s all you have to do!  Just stop and notice that a viewpoint is arising.  Look at the viewpoint directly.  This does not mean entertain it more.  It does not mean add more thoughts to the viewpoint.  It means look at it through direct observation in the way an eagle would perch itself on a branch and eye a worm on the ground that it is about to eat.  The only act that is necessary is observing itself.  Thinking about the worm—thinking more about the future—is not effective.

What is effective is stopping and just noticing the viewpoint.  The simple act of noticing the thought allows it to disappear on its own.  Don’t PUSH it away.  Just notice it.  It will start to fade as you notice it.  Another thought may arise right after it.  That is fine.  Just notice that one also.  As you are noticing these thoughts, bring all your attention into your inner body.  Feel whatever raw energy is happening in the body.

Don’t try to experience that energy through labels.  Don’t try to find this energy by thinking of the word “fear” or any other word.  That is just a label.  You wouldn’t eat the word “banana.”  You would eat an actual banana—the yellow tasty thing.  To be aware of fear, you have to forget the word “fear” and find out what is actually happening in your body.   If mental labels arise, just notice them, letting them gently fade away.  Then become interested only in the actual, raw energy of fear in the body.

For example, when you have a stomach ache, you have more than the thought “stomach ache” arising.  There is an actual ache there, located in the stomach.  There is pain or some other sensation.  If the doctor said, please tell me on a scale from 1 to 10 how much it hurts, you would have to experience the ache directly for one moment, putting all thought aside.  There is no other way to know that an actual ache is there.  The space around the ache would have to become aware of the ache directly, without the filter of thought.  You could then use the mind to tell the doctor, “The pain is about 7!”

Same with fear.  To know fear, you have to allow the awareness in the body to become aware of the actual energy in the body, without relying on the filter of thought.  So go deeply into awareness of your body.  Just rest as awareness, letting that actual energy just be there, exactly as it is.  If thoughts arise that say, “This doesn’t feel good,” or “I wish this fear would go away,” or even “I don’t mind this fear,” just notice those thoughts and let them gently fall away. Stick to the actual energy, letting it be there completely.

Here is the important part:  notice that the actual energy of fear itself is not, and cannot, think about the future.  All thinking happens in thought, not in the energy in the body.  The energy is quiet.  It doesn’t talk.  It never says a word.  It doesn’t know the thought “future.”  This reveals that the very energy that is fueling the thoughts about the future has nothing to say about the future. It’s just energy, arising.  By letting it be just that-pure energy arising-you are making that fear conscious.  You are bringing it into the light of awareness, so to speak.  And that is where 100% of the healing occurs.

Once you have done that, take a deep breath and relax without emphasizing any thoughts.  Take your attention off the fear and simply rest as the awareness that is taking in the present moment without any thoughts.  Just relax and be, for one moment.  Notice that this non-conceptual awareness has no position about the future.  All positions about the future arise by way of thoughts.  And all thoughts come and go to this basic, non-conceptual awareness.  Notice that this awareness has no name, no history, and no story.  Names, histories, and stories arise and fall within this basic, impersonal awareness.  Just rest there, allowing all thoughts and emotions to come and go, but without emphasizing them-without doing anything with them.  No analysis.

Do you see what this is showing you?  It is showing you that there really is no person, or ego, beneath all these thoughts about the future.  There is only emotion and basic awareness itself.  As you do this little exercise, you are able to go back into thought, so to speak.  Yet now, the thoughts are less frantic.  They are not driven by fear so much.  So you are able to use thought, to take any practical steps needed.  For example, if the fearful thought was “I’m going to be ill,” you can now set an appointment with the doctor.  That’s practical.

The reason we suffer in fear is because we are not aware of what is actually happening in our bodies and minds.  We are usually preoccupied only with thoughts.  In becoming aware of thoughts, emotions, and sensations and seeing that these are all arising in a basic, impersonal awareness, freedom starts to be revealed naturally.

We see that we can be so much more effective and content in our lives, dealing with any situation that arises. Genuine wisdom and the right response to life arise through this seeing.  Relying only on thought keeps us trapped in cycles of fear, running around in circles.  It paralyzes us, making us unable to take effective, practical steps.  We are too busy being afraid and trying to overcome the fear.  In seeing what is happening in our bodies, and in resting in awareness, we see that fear is not the monster we thought it was.  It’s just energy.  And in finally letting that energy into the light of awareness, we open the door to freedom and peace.

"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

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What is a Clarity Call?

A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.