Below is a list of certified facilitators available for sessions. To learn more about a facilitator, scroll over their photo.
Note: Facilitators with a green checkmark in their photo are trained to facilitate sessions on emotional repression as it relates to body contractions and chronic pain.
A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. It is not a facilitated session.
During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.
To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).
All facilitators offer clarity calls unless otherwise stated.
Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby.
A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release.
Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large.
He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center.
Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering.
Note: Scott is not available for sessions at this time.
Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.
For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.
In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.
In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.
In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.
Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.
I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.
Serena presently lives in Nevada City, California and has assisted people worldwide for many years as she is deeply dedicated to this work. She has 4+ years experience in the Kiloby Inquiries, 10+ years in awareness-based self-inquiry (Advaita non-duality), 12+ years as a meditation trainer, in addition to other integrating and healing methods. She can help you with somatic processing and also with the embodiment of awakening/awareness recognition. She specializes in emotional repression, chronic pain, trauma (also preverbal, birth, transgenerational), physical and sexual abuse, addiction, relationship and sexuality, anxiety, PTSD, c-PTSD, and nervous system regulation.
Note: Caitlin’s immediate availability is very limited. You may have to wait up to 4 weeks to find a session time compatible with your own scheduling needs.
As your facilitator, my intention is to gently guide you towards your own innate wisdom and fully support you as your transformation unfolds. I prefer to take a direct, experiential approach, meeting each client where they are at and honoring their individual needs.
I find presence/awareness based practices to be essential in supporting the process of deprogramming from years of limiting conditioning and the healing of trauma. I am honored to guide you in uprooting the source of emotional & psychological suffering and rediscovering your original freedom, authenticity, and joy of Being.
I can help to address a variety of issues including depression, anxiety, addiction, parenting needs, family conflict, relational problems, divorce, grief/loss, and trauma. I am inspired by and draw from the following modalities: Kiloby Inquiries, Hakomi, Family Systems, Attachment Theory, CBT, EFT, Mindfulness-based Somatic Psychotherapy, and a variety of Eastern philosophical traditions.
It is a profound joy to support others on their path towards freedom from suffering and awakening to a more meaningful, authentic, and happy life.
Caitlin is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #133111. Supervised by Spencer Campbell, LMFT #45585
Darby is a certified KI facilitator and trainer as well as a plant medicine ceremony guide, with a background in magnetic healing and integrative attunement. After a long, wild and exhausting journey to healing childhood trauma, she came to KI because its effectiveness for deep, lasting relief and inner peace was outshining all the other healing modalities she had experienced.
She loves sharing what these simple tools can do to change a life, and she’s devoted to helping the ones who are ready.
I am a Certified Facilitator for the Kiloby Inquiries, the Living Inquiries, a trainer for The Work of Byron Katie, and the founder of Inquiry with Lava where I offer one-on-one sessions, individual retreats, intensives, and training. I facilitate in English and German. Custom times
for sessions are available.
I bring my genuine curiosity, love of adventure, and earthiness into my facilitation. These inquiries are the basis for my practice of facilitation including the expressive arts, bodywork, and nature. In addition, my background includes shamanic work, body/mind integrative therapy, subtle energy work, and the Life/Art Process.
Through the Inquiries, I experience less resistance and avoidance to feel emotions and rest in presence without repression. My compulsive behavior to be perfect and efficient turns into expressing my love and being vulnerable.
Inquiry is a way of life for me: my identities, my hurt and frustration, trauma responses, and repressed emotions –, nothing escapes my inquiry. I enjoy an authentic human life with everything that arises, the joys and sorrows, welcoming all; no exceptions, so that I can offer you an integrated and well-practiced set of life skills that are always evolving and deepening.
Bring your desperate needs, your ongoing urges, your compulsive wantings, your irresistible commands and demanding drives, your injunctions, your musts and have to’s, not to mention all those don’ts and can’ts, and no, no, No! – never again…… and if you want to find yourself, lose yourself, relax compulsions, ease anxieties, look at trauma and repression, and are ready and curious: I would love to facilitate you.
Ich bin zertifizierte Begleiterin für die Kiloby Inquiries, die Living Inquiries, Trainerin für The Work of Byron Katie und Gründerin von Inquiry with Lava. Individuelle Zeiten für Sessions
Was biete ich dir an?
Einzelsitzungen, Individuelle Retreats, Intensivkurse, Trainings – auf Deutsch und Englisch.
Die Basis meiner Arbeit sind aufrichtige Neugierde, Erforschungsdrang und Bodenständigkeit, die auch den kreativen Ausdruck, Körperarbeit und die Natur mit einschließt. Darüber hinaus umfasst mein Hintergrund schamanische Arbeit, Body/Mind Integrative Therapie, Energiearbeit und den Life/Art-Prozess.
Wohin geht die Reise?
Meine Verletzungen und Frustrationen, Identitäten, Traumata, unterdrückte Emotionen – nichts entkommt den Inquiries (auf Deutsch etwa: Befragung, Untersuchung).
Durch sie erlebe ich weniger Widerstand und Vermeidungsstrategien gegenüber meinen Gefühlen. Es passiert, einfach present zu sein ohne Un-annehmlich-keiten zu unterdrücken. Meine Rebellinnen Identität, mein zwanghaftes Verhalten, perfekt und effizient zu sein, verwandeln und verlieren sich.
Ich drücke meine Liebe und Verletzlichkeit aus. Ich genieße ein authentisches Leben mit allem, was auftaucht, mit den Freuden und Sorgen – ich heiße ALLES willkommen, ohne Ausnahme.
So biete ich lebenspraktische Fertigkeiten ein, die sich ständig weiterentwickeln und vertiefen.
Was brauchst du dazu?
Bring zur Session deine tiefsten Bedürfnisse mit, dein immer wiederkehrendes Verlangen, deine zwanghaften Wünsche, deine unwiderstehlichen Befehle, deinen fordernden Druck, dein ewiges Klagen und alles, was du sollst und musst – und nicht zu vergessen, was du nicht sollst und nicht kannst – und dein „Nein, nein, NEIN – nie wieder …“
Und wenn du dich finden oder verlieren, deine Zwänge loslassen und deine Ängste befreien willst, deine Traumata und unterdrückten Gefühle ansehen willst und bereit und neugierig bist auf dich:
Ich habe Lust, dich dabei zu begleiten.
Mihai Algiu – born in Eastern Europe, Romania, during the communist totalitarian regime. Mihai started being interested in spirituality, truth, mind and consciousness since a teenager. He spent over 25 years studying various Eastern teachings such as the Fourth Way, (the Gurdjieff ~Oupsensky system), Qi Qong, Zen, Vipassana, Non-Duality, Advaita Vedanta, the Direct path. Among the many influences that shaped his understanding of spirituality as well as his therapeutical orientation are: Gurdjieff-Ouspensky, The Fourth Way, David Hawkins, Thich Nhat Hanh, Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, Isaac Shapiro etc.
In 2015 Mihai met his current teachers, Francis Lucille and Laura Lucille which became a turning point towards deepening into the the study and application of the Non-Dual Direct Path. About the same time, Mihai became deeply interested somatic awareness based psychotherapy, (Hakomi), as well as being active in Mankind Project as a senior facilitator facilitating Shadow Work groups in the Sierra Foothills, California as well as part of the Inside Circle Foundation, leading Shadow Work groups inside Folsom prison, California. Another crossroad represented the encounter with Scott Kiloby and the Kiloby Inquiries which continued to integrate the ‘enlightenment non-dual teachings’ with the somatic core deconstruction of suffering and trauma.
He is currently working as a psychotherapist, working with individuals, couples, groups in 1:1 setting as well as weekly Circle of Being Shadow Work groups, intensives and retreats. He has been living in the Sierra foothills , California for the last 15 years where he enjoys nature, hot springs, archery and music.
I view psychotherapy as a useful tool and support towards our innate pursuit of happiness, contentment and harmony. Whether recovering from years of addiction, healing from the aftermath of past wounds, navigating difficult relationship dynamics, dealing with trauma, loss, transition, uncovering old programmed limiting beliefs…..our innate authentic self/spirit strives towards wholeness and being in harmony with all things. My approach is experiential, effective and practical -influenced by Hakomi ~Mindfulness based Somatic Psychotherapy, Shadow Work, Gestalt, Psychodrama, Attachment Theory, psychedelic work, as well as a variety of Eastern spiritual teachings (Advaita, 4th Way). I have extensive experience working with men, women and youth in crisis, as well as incarcerated men. I have a client-centered approach guiding the client back to their own innate inner wisdom, strengths and authentic self. I consider awareness, self-inquiry and Kiloby Inquiries as essential ingredients in the process of healing, freedom from unnecessary suffering, and being happy celebrating the miracle of life.
During an “aha” moment on Christmas Eve I decided to change my life and go to AA on my own. I did the work to forgive myself and others and then decided to do more inner/spiritual work beyond AA since that time. I have attended many healing workshops led by Dr. Joe Dispenza, Bruce Lipton, Michael Beckwith, Rhys Thomas, Dain Heer, Scott Kiloby, Matt Kahn and many others. This has been foundational for my own healing. I have learned many healing modalities the past 21 years and love to support others on their journey.
I want to live in a world where people know that they’re amazing and aren’t afraid of being their authentic self. 🤩🌈
This is actually why I became a Freedom Facilitator. Because I LOVE helping my clients become aware of their triggers, trauma, repressed emotions and beliefs which helps them release old patterns to feel more joyful, peaceful, vibrant and whole. This is being authentic.
Tim initially became a student of inquiry in 2001 via the Diamond Approach, shortly thereafter becoming a direct student of A. H. Almaas (Hameed Ali) and Karen Johnson for 12 years. He has continued to practice inquiry while more recently also studying Non-Duality with Francis Lucille, Adyashanti and John Prendergast; Tibetan Buddhism; Shamanism and other Earth-based practices, including various plant medicines. Having also now discovered the Kiloby Inquiries, he loves their simplicity and directness as well as their usefulness for anyone interested in knowing themselves at a deeper level. He is excited to facilitate inquiry with others now who wish to get relief from pain, depression or anxiety, prepare for or integrate psychedelic or vision fast revelations or simply step closer into their larger being and become more whole and free.
Angela MacLeod is a Certified Kiloby Inquiries Facilitator and KI-Training Assistant and a Certified Embodied Processing Practitioner and a Qigong teacher. Angela has a passion for teaching how the nervous system works and the Polyvagal Theory. She guides people to increase their nervous system awareness and capacity to enhance deep inquiry and embodiment during KI sessions.
With many years of experience in the field of movement studies, Qigong instruction, dance, compassionate communication (NVC) and mindfulness, Angela seeks to weave together a safe and comfortable learning environment, where each person’s grace and inner wisdom shines.
Angela shares how she came to Kiloby Inquiries:
“After many years struggling with my “dark night of the soul” – addiction, depression and trauma – I have come through like a phoenix rising from the ashes, oriented in my heart, connected with a deep guiding source that wants to dance with life and collaborate with others.
I remember with gratitude the first time I heard Scott talk about healing the underlying drivers of addiction, depression and suffering. I knew that was what I needed to focus on.
I began working with his methodology and it has been profoundly transforming for me. I took the training to deepen my own inner work and now I bring this work to others. With it we can see through our negative core beliefs and let the pain and trauma that is held in the body finally unravel and flow through. It is an amazing methodology for healing these deeper roots without adding any outside belief system.
I love sharing this work with others. In a facilitated Kiloby Inquiry session, I gently guide the client to inquire into the causes of their suffering. I follow their process and pace in non-judging, compassionate awareness.
With Kiloby Inquiries, the causes of pain and suffering often dissolve, revealing the peace, love and intelligence that is deeper than thoughts or beliefs.”
In addition to Kiloby Inquiries, Angela offers a mini course on Nervous System Resilience as well as one-on-one nervous system regulation coaching to enhance KI work and all areas of life.
Greeting from Montreal, Canada. (French below)
Hello, my name is Julie, I am comfortable working with anyone that has awakened to their true nature and is amid integration. Because I went through it myself, I feel stable and able to support others in that process that is far from comfortable sometimes but so rewarding when done from a place of willingness and authentic self-honesty.
I also feel comfortable and enthusiastic to be working with anyone who feels called to authentically meet themselves, this is as much awakening, whether gradual or sudden, awakening is that anyway, authentically meeting everything moment by moment.
I can work in English and French. French is my native language, but I am fully bilingual and I am used to working in English.
I hope to meet you and be of service to you.
If you are curious, more about my personal story is below.
At the beginning of 2021, I had a sudden non-dual realisation. I knew nothing about awakening and non-duality then. I was not involved in any search or acquisition of knowledge about spirituality and non-duality, and this realisation was very destabilising. It felt as if I was turned inside out, the deeper layers of emotional suffering were so close to the surface that there was no possibility to put a lid on any of them anymore.
In the summer of 2022, after having processed deep emotional suffering by myself, I came to Kiloby Inquiries to become a facilitator but soon discovered that the Kiloby Inquiries were first helpful for my own integration. Even though there was a sense of stabilisation in being and more and more joy, stillness and silence, I soon discovered that emotions were repressed and hidden from the light of consciousness and were impacting my capacity to live authentically.
Kiloby Inquiries have proven in my direct experience to be a powerful way to put the light of consciousness on what is still unseen even after awakening to our True Nature and resting in the silence of beingness.
KI has proven to be a set of skills and tools that brought me from awakening to liberation from suffering, which is experientially very different. I can honestly say that I am not suffering anymore. It does not mean that strong emotions are not appearing, but when they do, I am not suffering from them. I can authentically feel them, listen deeply and skilfully inquire into them. That is experientially very different. I feel free.
Awakening to the knowing that “me” is an illusion was one thing, but to truly live from that knowing was made possible by the Kiloby Inquiries tools. With KI, I was blessed to practise many hours of facilitation with another facilitator in training. I was able to go deeper and more precisely into the drivers of identification and suffering. I was able to not only feel but also skilfully uncover repressed and hidden emotions without judgment and shame. This has brought me to a place of being, where nothing is denied in me.
It is not a destination, and I am immensely grateful for that. I can use the tools whenever I need them, and there is no expectation of an endpoint, an arrival or a “final” state of being. I can integrate as I walk in my life fully and authentically. For that, I am eternally grateful for KI, and I hope to be able to support others in meeting themselves fully and authentically.
Salutations de Montréal, Canada.
Bonjour, je m’appelle Julie, je suis à l’aise de travailler avec toute personne qui s’est éveillée à sa vraie nature et qui est en cours d’intégration. Parce que je suis passée par là moi-même, je me sens stable et capable de soutenir d’autres personnes dans ce processus qui est loin d’être confortable parfois, mais tellement gratifiant lorsqu’il est fait à partir d’un lieu de volonté authentique et d’honnêteté.
Je me sens aussi très à l’aise de travailler avec n’importe qui sentant un appel à se rencontrer authentiquement, cela est tout autant l’éveil, qu’il soit graduel ou soudain, l’éveil c’est cela, se rencontrer authentiquement moment par moment.
Je peux travailler en anglais et en français. Le français est ma langue maternelle, mais je suis parfaitement bilingue et habituée à travailler aussi en anglais.
J’espère pouvoir vous rencontrer et être utile pour vous.
Plus de détails ci-bas à propos de mon histoire personnelle.
Au début de l’année 2021, j’ai eu une soudaine réalisation non duelle. Je ne connaissais rien de l’éveil spirituel ni de la non-dualité à l’époque. Je n’étais pas impliquée dans une recherche ou une acquisition de connaissance spirituelle, et cette prise de conscience a été plutôt déstabilisante. J’avais l’impression d’être retourné à l’envers, les couches profondes de la souffrance étaient si proches de la surface qu’il n’y avait plus de possibilité de mettre un couvercle sur aucune d’elles.
Au cours de l’été 2022, après avoir intégré plusieurs de ces couches émotionnelles par moi-même, je suis venue à connaître Kiloby Inquiries dans le but de devenir facilitatrice, mais j’ai vite découvert que cela m’aidait d’abord moi-même dans mon processus d’éveil. Bien qu’il y avait chez moi, en arrivant à Kiloby Inquiries, un sentiment de stabilité, de plus en plus de joie, de calme et de silence, j’ai vite découvert que certaines émotions étaient toujours refoulées et cachées de la lumière de la conscience et cela m’empêchait de vivre authentiquement.
Kiloby Inquiries s’est révélé, dans mon expérience directe, être un moyen puissant de mettre la lumière de la conscience sur ce qui est encore invisible, même après s’être éveillé à notre vraie nature.
KI s’est avéré être un précieux savoir-faire et des outils qui m’ont permis de passer de l’éveil à la libération de la souffrance, ce qui est très différent d’un point de vue de l’expérience directe. Je peux dire honnêtement que je ne souffre plus. Cela ne signifie pas que les émotions fortes n’apparaissent pas ou n’apparaîtront plus jamais, mais lorsqu’elles apparaissent, je n’en souffre pas. Je peux les ressentir de manière authentique et les écouter profondément. Ceci est très différent d’un point de vue de mon expérience directe, je me sens libre.
S’éveiller à la connaissance que «le moi personnel» est une illusion était une chose, mais vivre véritablement à partir de cette connaissance a été rendu possible avec Kiloby Inquiries. Avec KI, j’ai eu la chance de pratiquer de nombreuses heures de facilitation en compagnie d’une autre facilitatrice en formation. J’ai pu découvrir les moteurs de mon identification et de ma souffrance. J’ai pu non seulement ressentir, mais aussi découvrir habilement, grâce aux outils enseignés par kiloby Inquiries des émotions refoulées et cachées, et cela sans jugement ni honte.
Ce n’est pas une destination, et j’en suis immensément reconnaissante. Je peux utiliser les outils chaque fois que j’en ai besoin, et il n’y a pas d’attente d’un point final, d’une arrivée ou d’un état d’être «définitif». Je peux intégrer tout en étant en mouvement dans ma vie, pleinement et authentiquement. Pour cela, je suis éternellement reconnaissante à KI, et j’espère pouvoir aider d’autres personnes à se rencontrer pleinement et authentiquement.
As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.
So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament.
I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!
Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world.
I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.
Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).
Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.
MH Ali was trained by Scott and is a Certified Facilitator located in California. His focus is on helping and supporting clients based on their needs. He is intuitive and can hold a safe space as the clients navigate perceptions, beliefs, behavioral patterns, and values. His commitment is that he will remain present for you, for himself, and the process, ensuring connectedness, calmness & clarity. Our inner understanding transforms how we relate to our mind, body, & world. As Carl Jung said “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
I will do my best to help and support you in this journey.
Douglas Johnson, the founder of Mahāpatha Yoga, has been teaching meditation and yoga for over twenty years. In that time, he has helped countless people with their spiritual awakening and the post-awakening process that follows.
Douglas’ spiritual roots are in the Zen meditation tradition. Yet, his teaching draws from many sources, such as Tantra Yoga, Christianity, Taoism, Sufism, and modern non-dual teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Gangaji, Adyashanti, Fred Davis, and Scott Kiloby.
As those who have worked with him will tell you, the value in working with Douglas is his intuition and connection to the numinous and the knowledge, wisdom, and experience that comes from having been spiritually awake for over two decades.
Hello, and thank you for being here. I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself.
My parents got divorced when I was four years old. All I remember is that a few years later, Mom married someone called Max and I was ashamed of having a stepfather. That’s probably when my seeking started. I became socially inept in grade school and was mistakenly labeled a slow learner. So I fought my way out of that identity, became a gifted student, and skipped a grade in high school. I thought being one of the brightest kids in the class would make me feel like less of an outcast, but it didn’t.
After surviving high school, I went to college and I threw myself into the counterculture of the peace and love revolution of the 60s and found what I thought was the perfect solution for my angst – drugs, sex, and alcohol. My love affair with escaping and getting high came to a temporary halt after ten years when I did a two year stint in AA. And of course, I counted the days that I was sober and used willpower to fight off the periodic urges to get drunk. I think I convinced myself and my sponsor that I was sincerely working the 12 steps, but in fact, one day I walked out of a meeting and went on a drinking spree and never looked back. That spree turned into several decades more of drinking and using.
Thankfully, two spiritual teachers came into my life and because of them, I began to look inside myself at the messiness that was me. I did a few years of bioenergetics therapy and took herbal remedies. I also learned about mantras and life lessons and talked to spirits, all the while still getting stoned, taking painkillers to ease my anxiety, and slugging down copious amounts of alcohol.
In 2005, after getting dead drunk and breaking my leg, I decided to stop using and drinking again and I joined Smart Recovery. I got a lot out of their CBT tools and I liked the absence of labels like addict and alcoholic, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I still wasn’t getting to something important. I just didn’t know what that was. In 2009, my partner died suddenly from a brain hemorrhage and my health took a hit when I got a rare form of chronic leukemia. I was incapacitated and bedridden some of the time and ended up in the ER more than once with severe symptoms. I didn’t want to start drinking or using again, but my seeking accelerated to a whole new level. I continued to be obsessed with finding peace of mind and I was hoping that seeking itself would put an end to my suffering.
First, I went into three years of Hakomi therapy. It was very helpful and nourishing and led me to join a Buddhist sangha for eight years. But I sat on a mat for endless hours and still didn’t find whatever it was that I was seeking. Eventually, I found Dr. Joe Dispenza, Robert Ohotto, Adyashanti, and a few other spiritual teachers. And then quite by surprise, Scott Kiloby came into my life.
When I first heard Scott speaking on a YouTube video, something in me knew that I was going to come home to myself, and I realized that was really all I ever wanted – to be present with myself and other people. I just didn’t know how to do it. My intuition told me that Scott would help me feel all my feelings, especially those that were repressed and trauma related.
I began to practice the Kiloby Inquiries and eventually trained with a skillful and loving teacher, Julianne Eanniello, and became a Certified Kiloby Facilitator. When I do the inquiries, I often experience waves of chaos and turmoil that are sometimes followed by waves of tranquility. There are other times when I feel anxious at the end of the session because a new door has opened to something deeper that requires more inquiry. I’m more willing now to sit with my feelings and ask myself questions I learned during my training like, “What is my body trying to tell me, or what’s really going on here, or what will happen if I never have peace of mind?”
So have I found the answer to “Life, the Universe, and Everything?” Probably not, but
so much has changed since I joined the Kiloby community. I’m now finding I can stay present and express deep feelings to more and more people. Also, when I facilitate people who allow me to hold space for them during their most vulnerable moments, it brings me such joy to be there with them when they break through old conditioning that has sometimes caused them a lifetime of suffering.
I rarely have urges to drink or use anymore and if I do, I’m learning through Scott and Dan McLintock’s Natural Recovery From Suffering, that I no longer need to white knuckle it or count days to push through urges. I now realize that freedom from suffering doesn’t come from soothing my pain, but rather it comes from finding out what’s driving the pain or even what’s driving an illness like my chronic leukemia. When Scott facilitated me in Nevada City, I was able to express deeply repressed anger at my partner for dying and abandoning me. Since then, I have had only mild leukemia symptoms and when they do flare up, I do Kiloby Inquiries so I can find the connection between the symptoms and something I’ve been unconsciously pushing down or holding back.
I’d like to end with something Scott posted recently that perfectly describes for me my previous attachment to peace:
“Being attached to peace (most people aren’t aware of this attachment when it’s happening) can deprive you of joy. Joy is discovered when you allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions in awareness instead of seeking only non-emotional peace.” – Scott Kiloby
A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.
To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).