Don’t Sell Yourself Short

Awareness?

What is it?

That which doesn’t come and go is awareness.  Now, don’t think about that, just relax into thought-free awareness.  Rest.  Know yourself as that restfulness.

Thoughts will come and go.

Emotions will arise, then fall.

Sensations will happen.

But the open, thought-free space of awareness remains undisturbed in the midst of that, if you notice.

Those who first come to websites like this, seeking enlightenment, often have no recognition of their true nature as awareness.  That’s why they’ve been so busy toying with this method or practice, thinking about this or that a lot, avoiding painful feelings, or going back into the story of past and future.  They are trying to figure out who or what they are.

Some people are ready the moment I meet them to just rest into present awareness as what they are.  They’ve been doing inquiries, methods, and practices, all of which just keep them focused on a personal self that is striving towards something in the future.  But that something never seems to come.  Perhaps a state happens, blissful or enlightening.  Maybe they have a spiritual experience here or there.  But the seeking just continues until they begin to rest as what they are, this open, restful, awake space that frankly does not care about getting somewhere.   In this timeless restful space, there is nowhere to go, nothing to find, and nothing to work out in your personal story.  You just are, here, now.  Simple.

For others, it isn’t that simple at first.  There can be a strong resistance to resting as that space.  They may even resist any encouragement I give to recognize present awareness.  They need a little inquiry, a little looking into who they have taken themselves to be.  They have been identifying, in one way or another, with a personal self.  And so I use the Unfindable Inquiry with them.  See livingrealization.org.  When we identify with a personal self, that story often carries with it a belief in personal lack, unlovability, or inadequacy.  And so we unconsciously fight against the natural flow of life, often finding ourselves repeating the same relationships where we get triggered into feeling deficient or actually blocking ourselves from happiness and the natural present sense of abundance and perfection.

I’ve worked with people who had a strong resistance to naturally resting into the present moment, precisely because there was a belief in being a deficient self or some story line around, “There’s something wrong with me and I have to fix it.”  We would then do a proactive inquiry, like the Unfindable Inquiry, not to fix the self but to see that it is an illusion.  There is no deficient self that needs fixing.  And that seeing cuts through the belief, allowing a natural relaxation into the present moment.  Life starts changing for these people.  Things began to flow more easily.  They feel less and less triggered in relationship or not triggered at all precisely because we did the inquiry.  Some of those people would then ask, “Why was there a need to do the inquiry when I could’ve have just rested in presence, that’s much simpler?”  My only answer is, “because you couldn’t rest and you thought you were a deficient person.”  We need to hear or do what we need to hear or do at any given point in time.  Sometimes methods help and sometimes there is no need for them at all.  They can even be overused, if we start looking for stuff to inquiry into, when what would really be beneficial is just resting and allowing everything to come and go freely.  That’s a non-doing.

But ultimately, whether one immediately recognizes awareness or does some inquiry on the personal story, it leads to the same knowing of freedom and fullness in life as it is each moment.

Be tuned into what you need at any given time.  Even resting as awareness can become a way of avoiding really uncomfortable feelings.  One can begin to tune out of his body, unwilling to feel.  Resting in space becomes like an escape, another way to seek to get out of life.  Don’t look at awareness that way.  If you are doing that, a little inquiry might be beneficial.  Even the best spiritual pointers can be used as a way to avoid experiencing life in its fullness.  A good inquiry will show you that emotions come and go, and they aren’t really hooked into any personal story.  Just energy arising.  This is highly healing and beneficial to see.  And inquiry may be exactly what you need if you are trying to tune out or use awareness as a way to escape.  Inquiry shows you that there is no self to tune out of life or escape.

But sometimes resting as awareness is exactly what you need.  You’ve come to the point where all inquires, methods, and practices just don’t work anymore.  You aren’t trying to tune out or turn away from uncomfortable feelings.  You aren’t trying to kill your personal story.  You see it’s just a story.  It comes and goes, just like the emotions, but you aren’t identifying with any of it.  At that point, just know yourself as what you are, the awareness in which everything comes and goes.

Not identifying with thoughts and emotions has nothing to do with pushing anything away.  If thoughts are seen to be transparent, and to come and go, along with feelings and sensations, is there really a need to escape or push something away?  When you are trying to escape life or feelings through resting in awareness, your mind is overcompensating.  You are trying to hide in order not to feel.  Don’t let yourself become a tuned out zombie through recognizing awareness.  I’ve seen people avoid and suppress feelings so much that they start treating awareness like a religion.  Their minds are focused on descriptions of awareness.  They take a sort of absolutistic mental position, as a way not to have to face painful feelings.  They aren’t really experiencing the restful, peaceful, thought-free awareness.  They only think they’ve recognized awareness.  They’ve replaced old personal stories with new nondual stories about awareness.  If this is happening, don’t take what I’m saying as if there is something wrong with you.  It’s not personal.  I don’t say these things to make you feel deficient.  I say these things because I’ve seen these traps, over and over.  They are easily overcome though.

You will likely resonate with different pointers at different times.  This is what I’ve learned through working with people individually.  When we need a little inquiry, that’s what pops us.  It is right on time, exactly when we need it.  It can cut through so much identification with thoughts, emotions and sensations.  And when the inquiry runs its course, and is no longer helpful, or is becoming a way to seek, resting as what you are is the most natural thing.  Trust it completely then.

Again, all good nondual pointers lead to the same place:  present freedom and fullness.

Trust your own experience.  Teachers cannot do that for you.  Trust what feels right, always.  You’ll know when you are using awareness to avoid feelings.  You’ll find yourself entangled over and over in personal identification with thoughts and feelings, even while claiming “that’s not me.”  It may not be you, but why are you getting entangled so often?  Why is relationship triggering you so much?

Deepening happens through recognizing awareness as what you are.  There is a trajectory in awakening that has nothing to do with seeking.  It’s a natural deepening, where you identify less and less, or not at all, with the temporary thoughts, feelings, and emotions that arise.  Yet everything is allowed to arise.  You will still have the unique experience of your own life.  You’ll never find a voided out space in which nothing unique is happening.  And if you do, watch out.  I’ve met many people who have come to deny the uniqueness of their experience.  They are tuned out of relationship and what is arising, hiding in a space that avoids dialogue, and lots of juicy, interesting things about life that are unique and beautiful.  They are suffering in a totally different way than those who identify strongly with a personal story.  Unique experience is always happening, but you don’t have to identify with what is happening.  It can be honored, celebrated, and allowed, without making a self out of any of it.

Don’t sell yourself short in the game of awakening.  If you are identifying heavily with thoughts, emotions, and sensations, rest back into what you are or use the Unfindable Inquiry or some other practice.

But don’t tune out.  Let things be as they are.  See that everything that arises is inseparable from that awareness.  There aren’t two realities:  awareness v. things that arise.  They are inseparable.  If you find yourself favoring awareness as a way to tune out of appearances, you are separating your experience into two parts.  So resting or zoning out just reinforces that false division between awareness and what appears.  And if you are merely identifying with thoughts, emotions, and sensations and not recognizing what you truly are—awareness, you are still dividing your experience into parts, treating your story as what you are, and completely overlooking the open, spacious experiential knowing of awareness.

Yes, awareness is here, unchanged, undisturbed and totally free of whatever arises.

And yes, everything arises, giving you the unique experience of your own life, unfolding in the present moment, more and more without the sense that you are a story.

This may seem contradictory to the mind. It’s a beautiful paradox that must be experienced to be appreciated.  Don’t sell yourself short.

"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

What is a Clarity Call?

What is a Clarity Call?

A clarity call is a free 30-minute introductory call with a Certified KI Facilitator. During a clarity call, you can ask any questions you have about KI and see whether a particular facilitator is a good fit for you.

To book a clarity call, select your preferred facilitator (hover over their picture and click the “Meet” button). Then, enter your email and click “Book Your Call.” From there, you’ll be able to select your preferred date and time and schedule your clarity call (please double-check your time zone before booking).

Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.