CONFLATION

Many of us come to spirituality, (because of the nature of our insane, egoic, suppressive culture) already emotionally and energetically repressed. 

Our state of unconsciousness (caused, we may not realize, by years of accumulating beliefs, or as we call it ‘programming’ from our life experiences) has become painful enough that we begin to seek a way out, which, of course, ultimately means becoming conscious again. 

We just want to feel better after a lifetime of suffering – and the promise of consciousness, healing and awakening becomes a major pull. 

Leaders in spirituality, who themselves have had either sudden or progressive awakenings, will often, understandably, point to our suffering, negativity or negative emotions as both the result OF our programming AND (if the teaching / method is a good one) as an indicator as to where we should inquire / question our beliefs or ‘deprogram’ ourselves. 

Also, understandably, many of us who as children were traumatized, repressed and not allowed by our caregivers or culture to feel or express certain emotions or energies (like anger, fear or sexuality for example) may regress when faced with this open invitation to inquire and utilize our negative feelings and suffering to get free, viewing it as just another parent, abuser or authority figure invalidating, hurting, punishing or even ‘gaslighting’ us. After all, this IS part of what perpetrators do; make their victims question themselves and their realities. 

Such is the nature of living life in a traumatized state of repression; everything feels like an attack. Self-trust is out the window. And to make matters worse, there are tons of other traumatized, repressed people in the world who DO shame, blame, minimize, gaslight and invalidate others’ pain because, as we may know from our own experience, people ultimately treat each other the way they feel about themselves. And pretty much everyone is traumatized to some degree if you’ve been born in the last hundred years. 

And so, beautifully, many people, spiritual leaders / teachers and otherwise, moved by compassion, empathy and understanding of the suffering state of others, offer their hearts, hands and voice to those of us who’ve been hurt, minimized and disempowered. Advocating for victims of trauma, abuse and neglect is an integral part of the job of anyone who feels called to true healing work. 

AND…it’s only part of the job. There can be a massive trap here if we’re not careful. 

Because coming out of the fog of denial, confusion and self-doubt and into a space where we’re being truly supported, believed, validated, accepted and loved for who we are is so essential in the beginning stages of healing for trauma and abuse survivors, it’s incredibly easy and tempting to settle and maybe even get stuck in this ‘haven’ or ‘safe space’ zone because it feels so much better than what we’ve hitherto experienced. We now have people who see, understand and truly love us as we embark on our healing journey – and isn’t that all we’ve ever wanted and needed?

The answer to this question depends on asking ourselves what we truly want. 

There are plenty of clinicians, therapists, sponsors, guides and spiritual teachers / leaders and maybe even family members who will gladly accept and support us unconditionally and who, since likely we and they have been in the habit of rejecting ourselves, our experience and our emotions, will encourage us to “rest as awareness,” “allow everything to be as it is”, “feel to heal” and “embrace our humanness”. This is excellent guidance and is a great start to the process of healing and embodying awareness. 

The problem and pitfall here is two fold;

  1. IF we begin to settle for the safety, comfort and support of others as a be-all, end-all we will most likely turn the helpful pointers above (such as “embrace your humanness”) into new programs or belief systems that slowly begin to drive our suffering again in the same same way that our negative beliefs did prior to healing. Remember, the programming in our body-minds (including beliefs, belief systems and worldviews) is the original source of our suffering. So taking on more / further programming, even if it’s ‘positive’ or ‘helpful’, can keep us safely repressed, suffering and separated from ourselves and others. Our egos love this because they will literally do anything for us not to inquire / go deeper into the unconscious (which is all ego ultimately really is; unconscious programming). 
  2. If those leading / guiding / helping us heal haven’t gone deep enough into the unconscious and dealt with their own emotional repression they’re likely speaking to us, unknowingly, through the filter of their own programming. And nine times out of ten their message will be over-focused on safety, love / compassion and / or connection / community because these things are all excellent trauma shelters that can keep us from recognizing or, god forbid, accessing the decades’ worth of repressed emotions and energies that lie below the level of conscious awareness. There will also still be talk (albeit more subtle) of “good and bad” people or “us vs them” thinking and identities like “awake”, “authentic”, “spiritual”, “empathic”, “narcissistic” as well as a continued fight against the “powers that be” in whatever form.

This isn’t to say that none of these impulses, concepts or identities aren’t true or valid ways of describing our experience on a relative level or of living our lives if that’s the way we naturally move and express – its more reminder to pay attention to what’s truly running the show in your own experience. What’s driving your suffering? As we’ve seen countless times with ourselves and others in ‘Natural Recovery from Suffering’, the answer to the question (and final frontier) is unconscious emotional and energetic repression.

And so – be discerning and, as best you can, trust yourself (or if you can’t, know that it’s most likely because of your own reversible emotional repression) when gauging which teachers, leaders, coaches, modality or tools you feel drawn to. 

Those who over-stress safety, love, compassion, understanding and acceptance as the answer may be unknowingly driven by the idea that suffering is our natural state and are likely repressed and unconsciously committed to staying that way for the time being. They may even couch their resistance in crusades against ‘toxic positivity’ or employ compassionate-sounding rationales like “just embrace your humanness” when what they really may mean is “Don’t bother looking into that because I haven’t either”. 😉

THIS IS THE TRAP: conflating suffering with humanness (or “who we are”) is EXACTLY what our egoic programming does. So to get onboard with those championing “it’s ok not to be ok” or “everything’s fine as it is”, as, instead of practical and helpful pointers / tools of liberation, justifications for staying safe and connected to some tribe is to climb right back into the hands of those who, like in childhood, would keep you from your experiencing own freedom. After all, it’s true what they say; “Misery loves company”. 

Author and non-dual teacher Ken Wilber writes; 

“Transformative spirituality does not seek to bolster or legitimate any present worldview at all, but rather to provide true authenticity by shattering what the world takes as legitimate. Legitimate consciousness is sanctioned by the consensus, adopted by the herd mentality, embraced by the culture and the counterculture both, promoted by the separate self as the way to make sense of this world. 

But authentic consciousness quickly shakes all of that off its back, and settles instead into a glance that sees only a radiant infinity in the heart of all souls and breathes into its lungs only the atmosphere of an eternity too simple to believe.

Transformative spirituality is therefore revolutionary. It does not legitimate the world, it breaks the world; it does not console the world, it shatters it. And it does not render the self content, it renders it undone.”

💚

Dan McLintock

The Kiloby Inquiries & Natural Recovery from Suffering

Co-Developer, Trainer & Certified Facilitator 

kiloby.com/packages-dan/

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"Working with Dan has been nothing short of transformational. His open heart, honesty about his personal experience and permission to be real and not hide have helped me unlock those qualities in myself. And that has been a total game changer. I've been truly blessed, not only to have him as my KI Facilitator, but also as my mentor. Without a doubt, working with him has helped me to show up authentically, helped sharpen my tools and made me a better facilitator than I would've been on my own. I can't recommend him enough."
Darby Totten
Certified KI Facilitator

Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

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Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.

Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives in Eugene, Oregon, US.  She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Working with compulsions – especially regarding food – is a special interest for Sumitra. 

She also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

Kiloby Inquiries all dimension certified trainer & facilitator ✅.  

 

I am a non bypassing non-dual teacher with 13 years of direct experience. Waking up and abiding in our true nature was not enough. Some unconscious repressed fear was debilitating my expression for years. Stepping into the power of my voice fully was only possible with KI. In 2020 signing up to KI training with Scott and Dan changed the trajectory and the quality of my life and work. I released loads of repressed shame and anger from my system and now am able to let live manifest and express effortlessly. And I know you can live and be the fullest free expression of YOU!

 

I am so passionate about this method of deprograming & embodiment that I am here to inspire others to experience it for themselves. These tools and my perseverance in experimenting with them brought effortlessness, ease in the unknown, financial abundance, freedom of expression, burst of creativity and such a fulfilling work environment, where everyone is honoring integrity, authenticity and inner deepening. I’ve learned so much from all my fellow trainees and clients, it’s been such a privilege to hold space and witness their growth and transformation. I’ve been training in KI with Scott and on my own since 2021 and now so excited to train all dimensions training for full immersion in this work. 

 

I have experience working with: parents and children, childhood trauma, repression of voice/power/expression, non-dual bypassing, spiritual seeking, emotional repression, addiction, chronic pain, abuse, sexual abuse, sexual repression, depression, PTSD, birth trauma mother and baby, grief and loss, couples counseling, lack and scarcity mindset. 

 

I can help you move beyond suffering and fear into the world more fully with your gifts, authenticity and uniqueness recognizing your unbroken, true nature. 

 
Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.