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COMPASSIONATE DEPROGRAMMING VI. “Don’t Eat the Broccoli If You Don’t Like It!”

Unconscious programming to repress emotions is like a mother trying to get her child to like a certain food that is actually undesirable for her. The mother forces the ‘steamed broccoli’ into her child until she gradually believes that she likes it.

At first, it is almost painful for the child to swallow. She might even cry and throw tantrums. Then she slowly gets used to the taste, and so finally, she gradually believes that steamed broccoli is delicious. Then the painful, nagging, and violent process of getting used to the taste of steamed broccoli is slowly forgotten.

The child’s taste, system, and body would actually rather push broccoli out of her, but the mother’s clever programming makes her believe that it is good for her because otherwise, she can’t play on the computer, or the mother will be angry with her. So she will fall out of her favor. Or she is told that she has to eat healthy at least once a day so she doesn’t get sick, and so on…

So the child’s intelligent, natural, and intuitive realization that broccoli doesn’t resonate with her is perfectly fine, but because she doesn’t want to lose her mom, the computer game, or her health, she unconsciously convinces herself that she actually likes broccoli.

It’s the same with emotional repression. I suppress the feeling that was not allowed in the family environment and then unconsciously maintain this repression in order to continue to be accepted. If mom gets angry with me or turns away from me because I express my anger, I learn not to express it so that she continues to accept, love, and pay attention to me.

So, unconscious repression may seem to be for my own good, but in reality, I’m just giving up myself (and ‘my taste’) in an attempt to stay alive and adjust to something that was never natural to me.

Emotional repression is not natural. It’s an unconscious survival mechanism that can be reversed with the somatic inquiry of compassionate deprogramming.

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Dan McLintock is a Certified Facilitator, Trainer and the Co-Developer of the Kiloby Inquiries method/approach the New Model of Recovery along w Scott Kiloby. 

A Jacksonville, Florida native, Dan graduated Flagler College in 2004 with B.A. in Theatre Arts and English Literature and has played music professionally in bands for over 20 years. But his true passion lies in sharing the context, possibility and practicality of healing, awakening and release. 

Dan has worked one-on-one with clients in and out of the Kiloby Center since 2017 and has an unconditionally loving and earnest approach to healing trauma, dissolving the drivers of addiction/suffering and unhooking long-held toxic beliefs about ourselves, others and the world at large. 

He’s also worked intensively, side-by-side with Scott Kiloby for the past three years to develop the transformative tools of the Kiloby Inquiries as well as the principles and approach of the “New Model of Recovery” rooted in unconditional love and non-judgment. Much of this approach was borne out of Scott and Dan’s work with each other on their own personal traumas as well as their work with clients at the Kiloby Center. 

Scott and Dan have simplified, demystified and condensed some of the principles and practices of eastern/non-dual spirituality into an easily accessible set of tools most anyone can understand, learn and utilize to free themselves from their own suffering. 

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Valerie Vinger is a thriving survivor of life’s painful challenges and growth opportunities. She has worked with 12-step programs and is currently a 13-year stage-III cancer survivor. Her cancer recovery journey started with the traditional “cut, poison, burn” approach but eventually led her down a natural path to healing her body, her pain and suffering, and her buried emotions.

Valerie first stumbled upon Scott Kiloby at a workshop of his in Boulder, Colorado in 2012, which she says is one of the most transformative experiences she’s ever had. She is filled with gratitude for the person she has become through her journey with cancer recovery and with the Inquiries, which she describes as “coming home to myself.” She loves working with people who are ready for relief from their pain and suffering.
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"Julianne was one of my first choices as Senior Facilitator when I began training people in the Living Inquiries. I have known and worked with her for many years. She is a superb facilitator! She works hand in hand with me on a daily basis on every aspect of the development and training in this work. I have 100% confidence that anyone who is facilitated by her will be impressed by her level of skill and ability to facilitate anything that comes up in a session. I recommend her highly!"
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Scott KilobyCo-Founder, The Kiloby Inquiries
“Julianne holds a wonderful space to inquire within. She has the beautiful combination of being able to challenge me, while holding me in a totally safe space; both of which are necessary to support true growth. She’s a really skilled facilitator, and at the same time as facilitating the session she is also teaching to empower me to be able to do more inquiry on my own. She’s right there with me throughout the entire session, in a beautiful space of presence that allows my process to unfold. Julianne is also proving to be a wonderful role model for me in terms of how to be with my inner process, which is very much appreciated. I’m really thankful for the opportunity to inquire with Julianne.”
Jo Hainsworth
“If you want to know what it is to be free of suffering, to be free of wanting, then I invite you to consider something different. These inquiries, a simple form of direct looking, lead to an unmasking of spiritual words and stories and, paradoxically, to revealing that to which they point as experience beyond the narrow, mind-made world of concepts… I don’t have a good word for the experience, but peace is as good a one as any.”
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“It’s so amazing how in such a small period of time so many beliefs that seemed unquestionably true turned upside down once I looked with honesty and the beautiful guidance of Julianne Eanniello. I feel so lucky to be experiencing this kind of freedom… And it’s not the freedom from experience which I always thought I wanted, but it’s the freedom of being ok with present experience, letting it be just as it is – which is a so much better version of freedom!!!! If you still haven’t tried the inquiries, by all means give it a try and you might find yourself writing a message like this with a huge smile on your face!”
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“What strikes me most about Julianne as a trainer is her unending patience and deep kindness. Not once during the training was I made to feel less-than, or like a question I had to offer wasn’t valid. Julianne brings a sense of safety, of whatever comes up being okay, that was so sorely lacking from the educational contexts I grew up in. As a group, we developed a precious sense of comradery and vulnerability under her wing. On a personal level, I absorbed an understanding of inquiry that went beyond the techniques in question. Thanks again, Julianne!”
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Alec RodriguesCertified Kiloby Inquiries Facilitator
“Julianne is an excellent trainer and facilitator, truly committed to being of service to others. She took a sincere interest in those of us in our cohort, and she created a safe and non-judgmental environment in which to learn and deepen our own personal work. Under Julianne’s skillful guidance, I not only learned the essential tools in the Kiloby Inquiries, but also saw modeled how they can be astutely applied through her demonstrations and personal sessions with me. Julianne is patient, authentic, and personable, and she holds a wealth of knowledge that she is always happy to share. The foundation Julianne lays is very strong, and I know I have learned sound Kiloby Inquiry methods as a result of her expert guidance.”
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"A SESSION WITH JULIANNE

It begins with Spaciousness and ends with Spaciousness
All phenomena rise and fall within
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Nureyev in Pirouette, Pavarotti singing opera,
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It is said that Helen of Troy’s face launched a thousand ships
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Julianne Eanniello is a Certified Trainer and Facilitator of both the Kiloby Inquiries and the Unfindability Inquiries (formerly called the Living Inquiries). She is also a Certified TRE Practitioner, and the developer of the somatic movement process called Natural Flow Movement. She works with clients all over the world on virtually any topic, including spiritual seeking, stress, anxiety, depression, pain and health related issues, traumatic experiences, repression, relationship issues, and general unhappiness with ourselves and our lives. She does this through online sessions, deepening courses, workshops and facilitator certification training.

About Julianne:

For most of my life I’ve wondered who I am and why I am here. As I was growing up, no one else seemed to be talking about these things, or even thinking about them, so I buried it deep inside and tried my best to fit in the way I was “supposed” to, all the while feeling like there was something desperately wrong with me and that I needed to fix it.

In my early thirties, the death of a young relative left me feeling hopeless and helpless, wondering what is the point of life if we’re all just going to die anyway? This launched me on a search. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, I just knew that there was a longing – a desperate longing for something that actually made sense about life. I learned several alternative spiritual and healing techniques. I meditated. I read books and watched videos. I eventually learned of non-duality teachings, and I read more books, watched more videos, and even sat with several ‘awakened’ teachers. Yet I was still searching, something still felt missing. I was looking for the key that would unlock the mystery of me and of life.

In my early forties, I developed a chronic health condition that left me unable to work for several years, and most days barely able to get out of bed due to extreme fatigue, brain fog and pain. I lost my banking job, and eventually lost my home. I saw a multitude of doctors to try to find out what was wrong with me, and used every tool in my metaphysical and alternative medicine toolkit to try to heal myself. My seeking became even more intense, and I was looking for a way to escape my pain.

In 2009, I met Scott Kiloby. Since I started working with him and doing the Living Inquiries, the seeking for enlightenment has stopped, and the question of ‘who am I’ is no longer relevant. My victim stories around my health started falling away. Once I started looking at my experience through inquiry, everything changed. I stopped chasing something ‘out there.’ I no longer seek some future state of happiness or peace. This is not to say that I don’t have problems, or ever experience pain. Quite the contrary. I still use the inquiries regularly, and now there is much less avoidance or resistance to what I’m experiencing. I experience more and more freedom in the present moment, exactly as it appears.

Having trained with Scott, I was one of the first to be certified as a Senior Living Inquiries Facilitator and Trainer in early 2012. In 2014, I moved to CA and became a business partner with Scott at The Kiloby Center for Recovery, where we worked with people suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression and more for the next 8 years.

I can’t imagine my life without these inquiries. They saved me from myself. If you are still suffering, searching, longing… I encourage you to give this a try.

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"I don’t know where to start when talking about Sumitra because she is like the heart of our work in the sense that when you are being facilitated by her, it’s like being held in loving parental arms that are extending unconditional love to you, where no matter what painful or scary stuff comes up for you, her calm demeanor and tons of years of experience place you in the greatest hands. I know this firsthand because she has facilitated me."
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Scott KilobyCo-Creator of the Kiloby Inquiries
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As a young child I saw a picture of Jesus gazing lovingly at some children around his feet. I immediately longed for the unconditional love I saw in his gaze. At the same time, I was being read fairy tales, like Cinderella, and came to believe that romantic love would satisfy that longing for love.

So, I married my handsome prince at age 19. But then, by age 29, I found myself alone, as a single mother, with four young children. I was devastated and convinced that something was terribly wrong with me, to have ended up in such a predicament. 

I had learned to love and please others, but not how to love and respect myself. I was a “good girl,” and repressed my urges to have my own needs acknowledged and met. A wise teacher later told me, “We need to love everyone, including ourselves.” This was an amazing revelation for me!

Learning to meditate helped immensely to bring moments of peace, while I was sitting still, though I was still being triggered regularly in my relationships. Finally, the Kiloby Inquiries taught me how to turn my attention inside in daily life – towards the trapped thoughts and emotions I’d been running from – so that I could face and release them. It was like some tender, lost children began coming home, to take their rightful place in my inner world. 

I am honored and excited to be able to facilitate these wonderful inquiries for others.

Sumitra lives on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with some of her family. She has four grown children and six grandchildren. For many years she lived and worked in a yoga retreat community in California, and has taught yoga, meditation and Compassionate Communication in addition to facilitating the tools of the Kiloby Inquiries (since 2013).

Sumitra also loves working with couples and others with relationship challenges in a simple (though not always easy) deep listening practice that allows each person to be truly heard and acknowledged.

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"I see now that my purpose in life is to learn how to live from that place of stillness. Every thought, idea, etc. that comes from there is the most real. When you transport me into a moment of stillness my breathing changes, the pattern of thoughts changes as well. My body feels light, and this is the time when I don't feel separation. I deeply thank you for the gifts you are giving to the people, your energy is helping me to transcend."
Olena Potyeyeva
Olena PotyeyevaFounder of UniMassage
"Co-hosting the Mystical Birth workshops with Alina had been a wonderful experience. I had a lot to learn from her wisdom and the impact on the attendants was nothing but extraordinary. Alina is a self-accomplished human being, with a lot to offer. If you have the chance to work with her or to be in her presence, don't miss the opportunity. She is the real deal!"
Dan Motoc
Dan MotocFounder of Shamanica Institute
"Meditating with Alina is always a pleasure! I have been to many meditation circles, but this one is special. I find myself diving deep into the inner peace and bliss of pure consciousness. The discourse and discussion afterward are always informative and thought-provoking. One feels that they can be themselves and express whatever they are going through, ever since I discovered it, I have attended every session."
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Bader SomaPianist at Purnima Studios – Bader Soma Piano
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Riley DreverCo-founder of Authentic Montreal
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Laure-Adélie Coisne
Laure-Adélie CoisneStudent, France
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Alina is a certified KI facilitator & a founder of Presence Alchemy – An advance mindfulness platform dedicated to liberating suffering & limiting core beliefs through Kiloby Inquiries & non-dual awareness. Presence Alchemy was born eight years into Alina’s embodiment journey of an inner shift from ego to wakefulness. Alina works one-on-one with clients, hosts online intensives and training, and organizes local retreats & workshops.
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Meet with Alec
"Alec is highly skilled at facilitating the inquiries. He has a keen intuitive sense of what needs to happen in a session and how to gently and safely guide you to your inner sanctum where your hurt resides. He remains your constant companion throughout, and has an open curiosity that leaves you feeling safe to explore and free yourself from your thoughts and beliefs that hold you back from living a fulfilling, empowered life. I highly recommend Alec!"
Julianne Eanniello
Julianne EannielloSenior Living Inquiries & KI Facilitator/Trainer
"I've really enjoyed my sessions with Alec. He's helped me find and unearth very deeply rooted beliefs and creatively guided me through the unhooking process. His sweet nature and clear presence create a very safe place to be me and to allow whatever surfaces during the session without shame or embarrassment. We also have a lot of unexpected fun from time to time with what arises. I'm happy to recommend him. 🙂"
Darby Totten
Darby TottenCertified KI Facilitator
"I would like to express my gratitude and love to Alec for the inquiry sessions he so kindly offered. Not only is Alec kind and compassionate, he has the skills and presence to be of real assistance. He helped me break through the stressful feelings, thoughts, and body sensations that I have been experiencing during this difficult time of home sheltering and isolation. He has a very generous heart and I’m so grateful to work with him."
Monica HoytNew York, NY
"I was going through difficulties in my relationship. Getting a moment to sit with Alec made a big difference both in terms of how I felt and how authentically I was able to be with my partner. Having a moment to be with a facilitator who accepts you and all your emotions without a hint of judgment is precious. When you sit with Alec, this unconditional acceptance is palpable. This makes him a very good facilitator and I warmly recommend trying a session with him."
Juuso VolttiCertified KI Facilitator, Vantaa, Finland
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Alec Rodrigues has been certified to facilitate inquiry since 2015 and brings a keen sense of intuition to his work. He believes that in connection, the deepest healing takes place, that the mirror of relationship is the best crucible for transformation. Through rest and inquiry, Alec has found the empowerment to meet others authentically and stop running so damn fast from the seeming “ordinariness” of life.

He currently lives in Washington state with his girlfriend and works as a training assistant for the KI Personal Mentorship Program, where he empowers enrollees by teaching them the KI tools.
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