The Bliss of Infinite Patience

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I now sit in bliss

A bliss that is built into the very fabric of my being

How this bliss came about is almost too unbelievable to explain

It defies the usual rules and understandings of society

While others were running away from the pain and discomfort in their bodies

I was sitting with mine, letting it come fully into the space of present awareness

While others were medicating their emotions and sensations

I was bathing in mine – naked and vulnerable

While others were chasing or following their bliss, I stayed with pain

As they passed me, I asked them, “Did you find your bliss yet?”

Mostly they would say, “no,” and then continue on their path

I did not follow that path

I sat down on the road, exactly where I was, refusing to move

I desired no bliss at all, instead I desired only my pain

I desired only what is

The pain oscillated from extremely excruciating to mildly annoying

I let those descriptions burn up in the fire of presence so that I could feel the pain more deeply, without the overlay of labels

I sat with infinite patience, in wordless wonder, and without expectation

I watched a million others pass me by, headed down the road, chasing the prospect of a future bliss that would eradicate their pain

Many of them seemed to find a bliss in worldly things, only to find that it was temporary

They would become weary again and would keep moving down the same path trying to recapture it over and over

I questioned why I was just sitting here many times

The answer came as a very quiet, intuitive voice. It simply said, “Sit with infinite patience.”

As I sat, I let every emotion and sensation be as it is, welcoming it more and more

The more painful it became, the more I loved it

Every now and then, I had to take a reprieve from this pain, for I am human like everyone else

I had to indulge and run from my pain like everyone else does

I did this to survive, like everyone else does

When shame, guilt and self-judgment arose out of the act of indulgence, I let those stories burn up in the fire too

Each time I returned to the pain and discomfort of my body, I returned with infinite patience

I desired the pain and discomfort of my body to stay

I made a home for it

I loved it absolutely and without reservation from a place of pure silence

I uttered very few words to it, so that I could fully hear what it had to say

I let it speak and then I just listened and observed, letting its song be heard and then vanish into thin air, line by lin

In the rare moments of speaking to my pain, I simply asked . . .

“When were you created?”

“Where does this hurt come from?”

“What are you protecting?”

Those words evoked stories which then burned up in the light

Each time my body became more painful or more uncomfortable

I went more deeply and more silently into it, trying to keep the pain and discomfort there through pure observation

Each time I felt the desire to resist or reject it, I loved the pain instead, and then loved the resistance and rejection of it

It spoke for years

It had a long story to tell – about childhood rejection, not being loved, not being good enough, not feeling safe, needing to protect itself

As each story burned up, I nurtured the sensation of pain as if it were my very own child

I sat with it for literally hours on end, never leaving its side

I did this while others were out in the world, finding ways to avoid their pain

I had the thought, “Am I missing something out in the world?”

That thought burned up too

I let my pain move freely and uninterruptedly within the stillness of the moment, with only the desire for it to be exactly as it is

And then there was a dawning . . .

A rebirth in which I realized that my pain and discomfort were gone

Like children that had been loved and nurtured for years, the pain and discomfort left the nest

They transmuted into presence

Now I sit in bliss

And I shall never follow the rules of society again

I shall never run from my pain and discomfort again

If I do run from my pain and discomfort, I shall be perfectly kind and loving to myself

I shall indulge in that reprieve and in those pleasures fully, letting any shame, guilt or self-judgment come fully into the light

I shall return with infinite patience

For my self, my body and the world move more freely now within this infinite patience

The limitations of self, body and the world vanish in this

Creativity flourishes here

Love and joy are natural here

No one could have told me that this infinite patience would have paid off in this way

I wouldn’t have believed it because it defies all human understanding

It goes against everything I have learned

I know the truth of this not because I was persuaded by others and not because I followed society’s way

I know this truth not by following all the others who were running away or chasing their bliss

I know this truth only by trusting this inner intuitive voice that said, “sit with infinite patience.”

I know this truth simply because it is my own experience

And nothing is more trustworthy than that

 

 



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