Making Obsession Conscious

Even after being clean and sober for some time, you may experience moments where obsession takes over your whole body and mind.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, obsession is “a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling.” The etymology of the word indicates that it stems from the notion of being besieged, overtaken, or occupied by the force of some idea or feeling.

As always, do not take any of what is said here as authority. Look within, and for, yourself.

Trying to stop an obsession by “thinking your way out of it” is like trying to put out a fire with oxygen. Thought feeds the obsession because the preoccupation is largely thought-based (although true obsession "takes over" your whole being). By all means, do whatever you can to stop an obsession. If you have developed a mental strategy that works to release obsession, use that strategy.

But for most addicts, thought only fans the flame of obsession. And methods, unless they are directed at helping you become fully conscious of the obsession, tend to pull your attention into thought and analysis, and therefore away from what is arising in your body now. If the energy which causes the obsession isn’t dealt with directly, through presence, it tends to settle back into your body, waiting in dormancy for the next trigger--the next opportunity to arise.

Obsession is very much an aspect of the dream self. As with most identification with form, it is energy within the body, based in past and projecting itself towards future, through thought and emotion.

With this teaching, I’m inviting you to do something radical. The next time obsession strikes, turn all of your attention in on the whole movement of obsession arising within your body and mind in the very moment you first notice it. Make it fully conscious.

Obsession arises only when the light of your awareness is not shining inwardly, to the unmanifest source within your inner body from which the form called “obsession” arose. See my writing called “The Source From Which Cravings Come” for a more detailed explanation of what I’m referring to when I say the “unmanifest source.” Enlightened recovery, or presence, involves keeping your attention in your inner body where this source lies, as much as possible, including times when no obsession is being experienced. Inner body attention can become your natural state. So practice it all the time, wherever you are, no matter what you are doing. With your attention in the inner body, cravings and movements of energy arise within pure awareness, and do not become full-blown obsession.

Consider obsession to be like a flower that grows only in daylight, except that obsession grows only in the dark. Here, the dark means "unconsciousness." Obsession starts as a movement of energy in the body/mind. When it is unwatched by presence, it may grow into a succession of thoughts about the particular object of your obsession, and is often accompanied by an intense feeling within the body of an uncontrollable desire or longing for the object.

Because obsession grows only in the dark, you often don’t notice it until it has taken over your whole body and mind. So attention should be turned to both the body and mind the moment obsession is noticed.

When I say “attention on your mind,” again, I don’t mean you should think thoughts about the object of your obsession, or even about stopping the obsession. Thought is thought. As with most analysis, the more you think thoughts about the obsession, the more you fuel it, and speed thought up. Consciousness slows the mind down. This energy of obsession actually thrives on the speed of your thoughts.

So when I say “attention,” I mean to look at your mind, at the space of your mind, as if you were watching the whole sky on a dark night, waiting for a falling star, knowing that if you turn your attention away even for a millisecond, you might miss the falling star. I’m referring to this degree of very alert attention to the space in your mind in which thoughts are arising. If the attention is very alert, the watching of the mind actually clears the thoughts away. This is because, again, obsession only grows "in the dark."

And when I say “attention in the inner body,” I don’t mean that you should visualize images of the space in your body. In fact, if any mental image arises, watch that too. No, I’m referring to listening, feeling, and watching the inner space of the body. The actual space. Not the image or thought in your mind of the space. This distinction is critical. If you have trouble being aware of the inner space, try this exercise: place one hand flat on your chest, and the other flat on your stomach. Close your eyes, and take your hands off of your chest and stomach. Find your inner body, that space within your chest and stomach, without using your hands and eyes. This allows your awareness to sort of “find itself” within that space. The space is becoming aware of itself.

When you turn consciousness "in on" the obsession in this manner, it’s like being all alone on a football field at night, and all of a sudden all of the bright lights of the stadium come on, and you can see every detail, every blade of grass, and every seat in the stand. This is consciousness, or presence without thought. There you are, fully aware of what is happening within you. Like cockroaches who scurry away when you flip the light on in the kitchen, obsession cannot stand the light of your presence.

Don’t expect the obsession to magically vanish. It may. At the very least, your sustained attention keeps the obsession from growing any stronger. Just hold your attention there. Your attention actually transforms the energy of the obsession into consciousness itself. This is what it means to fully face what is arising in this moment. And this is what Gangaji means when she says: "It is possible to recognize the impulse to escape, and in the face of that to stop, to actually turn and meet whatever you have been attempting to escape from."

Obsession should be fully faced and "made conscious," or it may become dormant again, and arise when you aren't paying attention in some later moment. Obsession is an aspect of the energy of the dream self---the past---which you are carrying around with you. Until it's made conscious, you are at its mercy.